MORNING BLUES

The toolbar on my macintosh shows 4.08 am. My Neighbour has been quite & peaceful. Im happy for her. The lights in my room are off, making the clutter of books and clothes around me melt into the darkness.No one disturbs me much at such hours. I feel very quiet and relaxed and I have no idea about what I am going to write. And it is cool , to write without any direction.

Life is good right now. I have my problems , but they are much smaller than any of the life threatening diseases. So I believe god has been decently kind to me .

I feel happy that my family is healthy and safe. My parents. My grandma. They must be sleeping right now. I love my grandma a lot. I do not remember my dad slapping me, except when we pulled a few papers from the files in his study to make paper boats. As kids only books were considered important, we didn’t know Why Lawyers kept Files anyway. I would have given up my kid for adoption had he done anything half as damaging.

Grandma was the sweetest she used to teach me in the first few years of school. My mom always slapped me when she taught me.

Grandma asked : what is 4 X 5 ? I said : I know it Nanny ! I learnt that fifteen minutes ago. Its 50 ! Grandma grinned. Mom asked : what is 5 X 6 ? I said: Ummm...40 ? Slap !!!!

And I feel a little sad right now , because of ‘Flor’s Daughter’. Incase your confused she’s the same girl from the previous post. She’s the girl I was with for so many years and we’re not together now. But it is ok, am not chewing rat poison or planning to slash my wrists or suffocate myself by smelling my socks tonight. I will never know how things would be if we chose to be with each other, but it is fine. I do not know if aliens exist. I do not know the chemical reaction which makes glycerine. I do not know if George Bush wears red underpants . And I live without knowing all this. So I just got another thing I will never know.

As I live , a lot of things which looked important to me have started losing their significance. I have a set of people I care about. Those in that set matter to me , and they decide my happiness. This set contains my family , and some real life friends. Those outside the circle can not hurt me. If I find them nice they get into my circle. Else they do not matter , unless they got a gun , in which case they matter a lot.

Anyway , I think I should stop . I apologise for writing some crap and posting it on a blog. But it felt good to talk. Gotta be leaving for work in two hours time so I gotta catch some sleep