Maybe it's just me, but every single pair of shoes I own suck total ass. Don't get me wrong, they’re real expensive shoes and stuff, it's not the shoes but the freaking shoelaces that get me all worked up.

Every morning I triple knot these bad boys and every afternoon they magically come undone. I have no idea what kind of force of mysterious nature is behind this annoying phenomenon, but I will get to the bottom of it one day. And I'm always that guy.

You know that guy.

The guy who constantly gets told that his shoelaces are untied. People look at me weird as if I'm some moron who never learned how to tie his own shoe. And then I start this whole maniacal rant about shoelaces and how I triple tie them and how they come undone and how they should just shoot me for being so insane.

Then I become that other guy. The one people stay away from because he's always whispering obscenities towards his shoes. "***k you shoe! Stay tied. Stay tight. Why are you doing this to me shoe? Why?"