GUILTY PLEASURES
Everyone was fast asleep in their rooms. I shut the door quietly with an uncertain resolve. The moment I'd been waiting all day long had finally arrived. I turned towards the TV and switched it on. The screen flickered into life as it flooded the relatively dark room with its bright rays.I turned down the volume rather hastily lest it alerted either of my folks. Once all the arrangements had been made,I settled down with my eyes firmly glued on the monitor.
A voluptuous woman started talking testily.I strained to hear what was being said but it didn't matter all that much as I had been through the rigmarole quite a number of times. Even then,some of the excitement was lost with the somewhat muted delivery. I cranked up the volume such that most of what was being said was audible. Tiny beads of sweat glistened all over my face as I looked on towards the monitor with unwavering concentration.I was most definitely in a state of heightened perception.
Most of the introduction was done when my hands got to work. My face became flush with excitement as I continued to peer into the monitor. I tried to take in as much as possible because every single frame was vital. Atleast for me.....
As time went on, my hand movements became highly erratic.It was almost impossible for me to co-ordinate my movements with what I was seeing. Soon my fingers flayed all over the place...back and forth,sometimes to the right,sometimes to the left.It was safe to say that I was almost delirious with passion.
I could no longer keep up with the frenetic pace at which my hands seemed to be moving. My fingers felt tired and I let out my first pant for the night.
It isn't going to take me much more time, I thought to myself.
I should have stopped then and there but I had committed myself too far in to throw in the towel towards the climax of the night.
"Hem,hem.” Someone cleared their throat behind me.Startled, I looked behind anxiously.
A pair of angry eyes greeted mine.
I had been so enthralled with myself that I didn't hear Dad let himself in.
"I should have bolted the door....." , I thought to myself.But I was too eager: to start,to please myself.
"Stupid,stupid,stupid...",I cursed myself.
Dad looked towards the monitor and then back at me.I looked down somewhat shamefully.
What else could one have done ; especially after being caught red-handed.I couldn't possibly feign ignorance over the whole matter. I hope Dad understands. Even he must have done something terribly stupid back in his teenage years.
Marshalling my courage I looked up timidly only to gaze down again as Dad spoke out.
"Son,which part of "not using the playstation to play Tomb Raider after 11 pm" didn't you get?"
It's going to be a long night , I thought to myself...
December 27, 2006
December 04, 2006
when I was a kid, I had an infatuation with fire. I think it was a fairly healthy obsession. I could stare at a candle forever. Boys like fire. It's natural. I wanted to be a fireman. I didn't set fire to cats or anything destructive.
One time I was left home by myself. It was raining outside and very cold in the house and I thought I'd pretend to be a grown-up and start a fire in our wood burning stove in the kitchen. Bad idea. One of the main things my mother would always say before leaving the house was, "Don't touch the fireplace or play with fire." Whatever, man !
So as a child, I know that paper, dead leaves and wood are good at burning. I throw some logs in there and some newspaper. The newspaper burns out, and the wood? Nothing. Didn't catch. Solution? More newspaper!
So I pile in the newspaper and sure enough, one big flaming piece comes flying out onto the floor. Now, I freak out thinking that the paper will hit the table cloths and go up in flames. What do I do? The smart option would have been to use the poker thing and shove it under the stove or try and get it back in the stove and let it burn itself out. But as a mildly retarded eleven year old, I pick up the burning sports section and run like hell. Brilliant!
So I run to the nearest exit with the paper held high above my head. The problem with the nearest exit was that there were clothes kept to do the laundry. So now, not only am I running with burning ash flying all over the place, I'm running through the most flammable room in the house. I get to the door, open it up, and throw the paper into the rain. OK. Crisis averted. So I calm down and head back into the house, with a pretty nice burn on my hand. Nothing too bad, I run some cold water over it, then realize I've got some cleaning up to do.
I go back into the kitchen and find all the ash. Luckily, nothing was burned. I put out what was still burning in the fireplace. I triple check my torch run to glory for any remaining ash. If my mom or dad find any evidence of this, I'll be a dead man.
OK, house looks good. no evidence of this anywhere. Sweet. I'm going to get away with it. My parents get home later that evening, and the first thing my mom says is, "What's that smell? Were you making a fire?"
"Wha? No, God no. I would never disobey you dear mother! For, I merely lit a candle to soothe my senses whilst reading Goofus and Gallant!"
Sweet, she bought it! I'm in the zone! If only she knew, a mere two hours ago, I was very close to burning our humble abode to a pile of embers. An hour or so later, the entire family is eating dinner. My mother asks, "What's in your hair?"
"Huh?"
"There's something in your hair."
"No there's not."
"Yes there is. It's white!"
Mom comes in for a closer inspection. "It's singed! You singed your hair! You did try to start a fire!"
Indeed I did. And it was then I learned that no matter what I do, no matter how much I try to cover it up, my mom will always find out.
moms find out. Don't know how, but they find out. I believe that day was the last time I wanted to be a fireman. After that, I wanted to be a monkey. I've always wanted to be a monkey.
-picked this one from my archives! theres another post about to follow.
One time I was left home by myself. It was raining outside and very cold in the house and I thought I'd pretend to be a grown-up and start a fire in our wood burning stove in the kitchen. Bad idea. One of the main things my mother would always say before leaving the house was, "Don't touch the fireplace or play with fire." Whatever, man !
So as a child, I know that paper, dead leaves and wood are good at burning. I throw some logs in there and some newspaper. The newspaper burns out, and the wood? Nothing. Didn't catch. Solution? More newspaper!
So I pile in the newspaper and sure enough, one big flaming piece comes flying out onto the floor. Now, I freak out thinking that the paper will hit the table cloths and go up in flames. What do I do? The smart option would have been to use the poker thing and shove it under the stove or try and get it back in the stove and let it burn itself out. But as a mildly retarded eleven year old, I pick up the burning sports section and run like hell. Brilliant!
So I run to the nearest exit with the paper held high above my head. The problem with the nearest exit was that there were clothes kept to do the laundry. So now, not only am I running with burning ash flying all over the place, I'm running through the most flammable room in the house. I get to the door, open it up, and throw the paper into the rain. OK. Crisis averted. So I calm down and head back into the house, with a pretty nice burn on my hand. Nothing too bad, I run some cold water over it, then realize I've got some cleaning up to do.
I go back into the kitchen and find all the ash. Luckily, nothing was burned. I put out what was still burning in the fireplace. I triple check my torch run to glory for any remaining ash. If my mom or dad find any evidence of this, I'll be a dead man.
OK, house looks good. no evidence of this anywhere. Sweet. I'm going to get away with it. My parents get home later that evening, and the first thing my mom says is, "What's that smell? Were you making a fire?"
"Wha? No, God no. I would never disobey you dear mother! For, I merely lit a candle to soothe my senses whilst reading Goofus and Gallant!"
Sweet, she bought it! I'm in the zone! If only she knew, a mere two hours ago, I was very close to burning our humble abode to a pile of embers. An hour or so later, the entire family is eating dinner. My mother asks, "What's in your hair?"
"Huh?"
"There's something in your hair."
"No there's not."
"Yes there is. It's white!"
Mom comes in for a closer inspection. "It's singed! You singed your hair! You did try to start a fire!"
Indeed I did. And it was then I learned that no matter what I do, no matter how much I try to cover it up, my mom will always find out.
moms find out. Don't know how, but they find out. I believe that day was the last time I wanted to be a fireman. After that, I wanted to be a monkey. I've always wanted to be a monkey.
-picked this one from my archives! theres another post about to follow.
November 27, 2006
You struggle to start life afresh ! A new hope, a new direction, but days later your life's something else entirely!! much much worse then what it was.
I've spent years trying to come to terms with it. alternating between sleeplessness and nightmares, between living and merely existing, between holding on and spinning my wheels. Life’s taken some odd twists and turns.
In the final analysis, however, acceptance is inevitable. Because life goes on. It's in our nature to hold on and not move forward. To pick up the pieces of our broken lives and broken hearts and try to make them whole again. There's no point in anger, or bitterness. Of living in the past or in dwelling on what might have been. Life is what it is and all I can do is learn from it and be the best I can be.
I've spent years trying to come to terms with it. alternating between sleeplessness and nightmares, between living and merely existing, between holding on and spinning my wheels. Life’s taken some odd twists and turns.
In the final analysis, however, acceptance is inevitable. Because life goes on. It's in our nature to hold on and not move forward. To pick up the pieces of our broken lives and broken hearts and try to make them whole again. There's no point in anger, or bitterness. Of living in the past or in dwelling on what might have been. Life is what it is and all I can do is learn from it and be the best I can be.
November 21, 2006
SPYKID !!
At 6:00am this morning I pressed the button for the elevator and was waiting for it to come along. Then this kid on his way to school comes up, sees me & pushes the elevator button again. Wait a sec, You see me waiting there. You see the button lit up. Do you have to push it too? You think maybe you have some special magical elevator touch? And that when you touch that button, the elevator detects your scent?
Whoa 'spykid' , thank God you came along and pushed that button for me because I’m sure the elevators thinking “This Glenn can push my button all day, but I'm gonna hang out up here for awhile until.... fuck, that's spykid! Forgive me spykid I'm coming! I'm coming!”
Anyway, we get in and the elevator starts going down. Somewhere midway, this school girl gets in and we’re on our way again. I get off the elevator and keep walking. Suddenly I remember I had parked my car closer to the emergency exit. So I turn back to get to the stairs of the emergency exit. Im walking down the stairs and see the most amusing site anyone would expect before sunrise. 'Spykid' and 'School Girl' making out !! I have to admire their courage to do that in their uniforms, at no older than 12 years and at 6:00am. Yeah, I know, making out is part of the relationship package no matter what. But I’m not in the mood for soft core porn at 6:00am in the morning, and please not at the emergency exit.
Get a room kids! I look at my neighbour 'spykid' and give him the.. ‘Give me your elevator powers or I'm gonna be telling your mom about you’ smirk. Maybe I belong to an era long gone. But I'm really wondering if its ok for kids to be making out in their uniforms before sunrise?
At 6:00am this morning I pressed the button for the elevator and was waiting for it to come along. Then this kid on his way to school comes up, sees me & pushes the elevator button again. Wait a sec, You see me waiting there. You see the button lit up. Do you have to push it too? You think maybe you have some special magical elevator touch? And that when you touch that button, the elevator detects your scent?
Whoa 'spykid' , thank God you came along and pushed that button for me because I’m sure the elevators thinking “This Glenn can push my button all day, but I'm gonna hang out up here for awhile until.... fuck, that's spykid! Forgive me spykid I'm coming! I'm coming!”
Anyway, we get in and the elevator starts going down. Somewhere midway, this school girl gets in and we’re on our way again. I get off the elevator and keep walking. Suddenly I remember I had parked my car closer to the emergency exit. So I turn back to get to the stairs of the emergency exit. Im walking down the stairs and see the most amusing site anyone would expect before sunrise. 'Spykid' and 'School Girl' making out !! I have to admire their courage to do that in their uniforms, at no older than 12 years and at 6:00am. Yeah, I know, making out is part of the relationship package no matter what. But I’m not in the mood for soft core porn at 6:00am in the morning, and please not at the emergency exit.
Get a room kids! I look at my neighbour 'spykid' and give him the.. ‘Give me your elevator powers or I'm gonna be telling your mom about you’ smirk. Maybe I belong to an era long gone. But I'm really wondering if its ok for kids to be making out in their uniforms before sunrise?
November 15, 2006
SHE WANTS TO GET BACK IN MY LIFE AGAIN !!
A sneaky bitch she was, I never wanted to see her again. Life was such a happy song before she arrived once more. Stealthily she appeared on my doorstep, Her arrival camouflaged by silence. I had a premonition she was coming; my silver spoon falling off. Suddenly, water spilled for no reason.. and the headaches?? I was in denial. I thought she was an illusion and tried closing my door. But she just kept on knocking, what a bitch.
Then everything began to fall. Slow days and more bad headaches. Friends leaving. Loved ones fighting. work never seemed to be right. All i could do was stare, sleep and sigh, everything's falling I thought. I fumbled on what to do. I could never ask her to leave. i could see that smirk on her face. She seemed to enjoy my predicament. She even asked for half my bed. Half my bed! To be a part of my life. How could i sleep after what she'd done to me before? It was almost eternity, until I realized She was here to stay, for as long as I wouldn't accept.
Then we started talking. Her visits more frequent. I'd been wasting time on so many earthly things she grieved. She is the enigma of what i forgot to do in the past and her aura, a strong reminder of what I was before. "You can always enjoy what you have today, but remember what you were yesterday and what you want for yourself tomorrow". "Because if you fail, I will surely knock again in your doorstep and occupy even the whole of your bed!!"
I shivered.
She is the warning- a recurring, distasteful stench that reminded me of the foolishness I've preoccupied myself with now. I let her have her way, I could sleep on my couch I know, I did that before. I called my friends talked to them about my visitor and said sorry If i was a total asshole. All this I did waiting for that bitch to go.
Well, now I don't care. Donn't matter to me if she's there or not. I do my stuff, just like before. And she went away, unnoticed just like that. The bitch. I wasn't able to get her name.
Most people around call her"BOREDOM". Maybe it was an appropriate name after all..
A sneaky bitch she was, I never wanted to see her again. Life was such a happy song before she arrived once more. Stealthily she appeared on my doorstep, Her arrival camouflaged by silence. I had a premonition she was coming; my silver spoon falling off. Suddenly, water spilled for no reason.. and the headaches?? I was in denial. I thought she was an illusion and tried closing my door. But she just kept on knocking, what a bitch.
Then everything began to fall. Slow days and more bad headaches. Friends leaving. Loved ones fighting. work never seemed to be right. All i could do was stare, sleep and sigh, everything's falling I thought. I fumbled on what to do. I could never ask her to leave. i could see that smirk on her face. She seemed to enjoy my predicament. She even asked for half my bed. Half my bed! To be a part of my life. How could i sleep after what she'd done to me before? It was almost eternity, until I realized She was here to stay, for as long as I wouldn't accept.
Then we started talking. Her visits more frequent. I'd been wasting time on so many earthly things she grieved. She is the enigma of what i forgot to do in the past and her aura, a strong reminder of what I was before. "You can always enjoy what you have today, but remember what you were yesterday and what you want for yourself tomorrow". "Because if you fail, I will surely knock again in your doorstep and occupy even the whole of your bed!!"
I shivered.
She is the warning- a recurring, distasteful stench that reminded me of the foolishness I've preoccupied myself with now. I let her have her way, I could sleep on my couch I know, I did that before. I called my friends talked to them about my visitor and said sorry If i was a total asshole. All this I did waiting for that bitch to go.
Well, now I don't care. Donn't matter to me if she's there or not. I do my stuff, just like before. And she went away, unnoticed just like that. The bitch. I wasn't able to get her name.
Most people around call her"BOREDOM". Maybe it was an appropriate name after all..
November 12, 2006
I dreamt last night that I met this girl who I went to kindergarten with, she terrorised me in my KG class. Those two sentences got very confusing. Damn. Anyway, I really hated that girl as a kid.
In my dream she adopted a baby from Dunkin' Donuts. It turned out to be a really bad baby, kind of like Problem Child. She was all mad about this baby, but I felt sorry for her and told her that it was a bad idea to get a baby at Dunkin' Donuts. I was kind of just like, "Shoulda just got a chocolate frosted donut. Can't go wrong there. They're not really known for their babies." I don't think I said that exact line, but that was the gist. I want to have dreams like normal people.
In my dream she adopted a baby from Dunkin' Donuts. It turned out to be a really bad baby, kind of like Problem Child. She was all mad about this baby, but I felt sorry for her and told her that it was a bad idea to get a baby at Dunkin' Donuts. I was kind of just like, "Shoulda just got a chocolate frosted donut. Can't go wrong there. They're not really known for their babies." I don't think I said that exact line, but that was the gist. I want to have dreams like normal people.
November 11, 2006
I thought I'd go to the Park for a run yesterday. Was a beautiful day. I was there playing mini-soccer with a couple of fellas. We were able to find a patch of land unoccupied by too many people, it wasn't the most ideal place to dodge a soccerball. But it did the job.
At one point, a father and his two kids decided to start kicking around a soccer ball too. Great. Now I've got to watch out for those kids or else I've got blood on my hands. One of the kids is this cute little two-year-old girl smiling like an idiot kicking the ball. I get a ball hit to me, it's in the dirt and it skips by me. Now, it looks like a laser-guided football making it's way right towards little Sally (that's what I named her). Of course, I can't do anything. The ball is going way faster than me and stupid little Sally is just standing there kicking a ball that's almost as big as she is. I can't yell at her to tell her to move. Shouting "Hey two-year-old, dive!" would probably not work.
So the ball zooms right behind her little legs and just misses her. She, still kicking the soccer ball and still smiling like a dumb little kid without a care in the world. She's OK.
After that, there was another ball that was overthrown and went near her. Not as close as the other one, but dangerous enough where if I was a father I would realize the danger and move to a more kid-friendly area in the park. But apparently Sally's father is stupider than she is, despite the many more years he's had on this planet. He decides to stay there. I wanted to pick her up and start running. I'd run with her for about ten feet, then put her down and turn to the father and say, “Keep an eye on your kids, ya dumb fuck." Except I wouldn't have used such coarse language in front of little Sally.
At one point, a father and his two kids decided to start kicking around a soccer ball too. Great. Now I've got to watch out for those kids or else I've got blood on my hands. One of the kids is this cute little two-year-old girl smiling like an idiot kicking the ball. I get a ball hit to me, it's in the dirt and it skips by me. Now, it looks like a laser-guided football making it's way right towards little Sally (that's what I named her). Of course, I can't do anything. The ball is going way faster than me and stupid little Sally is just standing there kicking a ball that's almost as big as she is. I can't yell at her to tell her to move. Shouting "Hey two-year-old, dive!" would probably not work.
So the ball zooms right behind her little legs and just misses her. She, still kicking the soccer ball and still smiling like a dumb little kid without a care in the world. She's OK.
After that, there was another ball that was overthrown and went near her. Not as close as the other one, but dangerous enough where if I was a father I would realize the danger and move to a more kid-friendly area in the park. But apparently Sally's father is stupider than she is, despite the many more years he's had on this planet. He decides to stay there. I wanted to pick her up and start running. I'd run with her for about ten feet, then put her down and turn to the father and say, “Keep an eye on your kids, ya dumb fuck." Except I wouldn't have used such coarse language in front of little Sally.
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