If today I don’t drink milk, I have to blame my mother. I still remember how as a five year old I would hate drinking that glass of milk before I went to bed. Now, the glass of milk has been taken over by vodka, rum & Beers (Mom, if you managed to reach my blog, be nice to me after this OK!!!).
The graduation from milk to a bottle of beer has had its share of ups and downs. As an eight year old, I gave up drinking milk. I think it was because I was told “you grow bigger and stronger if you had a glass of milk every night”. I had to find out so I gave my glass of milk to our dachshund. For two months of drinking Milk at night the dog still stayed the same size. I knew I was being conned.
When ten years old, I was introduced to Boost, Sometimes Ovaltine sometimes Bournvita would make it to our kitchen. For many days I drank milk with Boost. Until the day I had come up with a brilliant idea of making Boost / Ovaltine / Horlicks / Complan – chocolate’s.
I suggest you try making it. All you do is take a handful of Boost in your palm, drop it in a paper, fold it like a chocolate, and hide it in the cupboard for days. With time, moisture and enough humidity, loose Boost particles become a sticky-gluey mix ready to be eaten. More often than not, I would forget where I had placed the 50 gms of Boost tightly wrapped in a newspaper. But I relished the Boost-chocolate whenever I found the newspaper bundles intact.
I think the habit ended when I mistakenly kept a Boost-Chocolate in the making among my mother’s clothes. She noticed the ants among her clothes when she had 15 minutes to dress up and get to some function. She didn’t attend the function. But she did attend to me.
.. and they still don’t serve vodka in my office so I have to take those tea breaks !!
June 29, 2006
June 28, 2006
I am not a guy who mulls over my regrets like a teenage girl choosing a lipstick shade. I don't take them to heart. I hardly think about the cockroaches I put in my sandwich before my lunch could be stolen in school.
But still, there are things I wish I had, like a red corvette, an F19, The claws wolverine uses in X-men, bags stuffed with smelly wads of dollar notes. things I wish I could do (Sleep, continue to sleep and still be sleeping ), things I wish I did not do ( Ok , maybe , I should not have put insects in my food but if you’ve ever been bullied in school you’ll know the kind of happiness you feel when you see the big guy chomp off the slurpy fat sandwich and see something resembling a cockroach's hind leg sticking out from his mouth. !! )
to be continued...
But still, there are things I wish I had, like a red corvette, an F19, The claws wolverine uses in X-men, bags stuffed with smelly wads of dollar notes. things I wish I could do (Sleep, continue to sleep and still be sleeping ), things I wish I did not do ( Ok , maybe , I should not have put insects in my food but if you’ve ever been bullied in school you’ll know the kind of happiness you feel when you see the big guy chomp off the slurpy fat sandwich and see something resembling a cockroach's hind leg sticking out from his mouth. !! )
to be continued...
June 27, 2006
The guy reaches into a paper bag and pulls out a box of chocolates.
SCENE 1
Guy ( handing over the box to the girl ) – Hey, I got these for you, I guess you like chocolates.
Girl – Thank you ! I love them. *Girl thinks – WOW , it would be fun eating all of these chocolates, Fuck Calorie consciousness*
SCENE 2
Guy ( handing over the box to the girl ) – Hey, I got these for you, I guess you like chocolates.
Girl – Thank you ! I love them. *Girl thinks – OMG, again gifts from him, but over the last three weeks, he’s been a little cold. Since the time that new girl has moved in next door, he has’nt been his normal self. See, even the chocolates gifted aren’t Swiss. maybe he hates me, now that I’ve put on weight . Hell, I’m so scared and anxious now, besides these chocolates are beginning to taste like antiseptic soap.
Nah , my brain’s not having one of it’s “go wild with imagination” exercises today , one of these scenarios happened to me today , and it was it was SCENE 1, I humbly suggest she start off on an intercontinental jog tomorrow morning for all those calorie infested chocolates she relished without offering me any.
And it makes me appreciate how much more delightful a simple guy-gal friendship is, rather than a “coochie coochie” relationship.
The “expectations/possession” that creeps when a girl is your girlfriend and not just a friend is one wierd issue , atleast with a ‘Care-a-damn’ types like me. I gifted her chocolates because she is a friend , and I wanted her to have fun gobbling them up , and that is that. And this kind of relation is so simple , natural and free of muddled feelings and assumed expectations.
But the moment a ‘proposal and acceptance’ takes place between a guy and a girl , things are transformed. Suddenly the girl, who was a friend till yesterday is a girlfriend . Till last month , M and J were good friends . M called J his friend. Then M proposed and J accepted. Now M calls J “My girl”. I mean, hehehe “My girl?”
Then if J decides to go out on a lunch with her childhood friend G, M narrows his eyes and asks her “what up girl, something going on???” and threatens her with dire consequences if the answer is in the affirmative.
If M does not send J a bunch of fresh roses on the anniversary of the day they first met, J calls him up in the evening , says Hello , then coughs , sobs and breaks into a long wail which ends in “You are not the same , M” or something to that effect followed by a violent slamming down of the phone.
And God forbid , if J goes out to shop and spots M driving around with a pretty girl, she will throw dangerously heavy things at M till he shows her the birth certificate of that girl to prove that it was his sister he was going to drop at her friends place.
Considering my state of existence , I don’t think I will have too much experience in this. But from what I know, a simple friendship is a very direct and delightful relationship to have . Maybe all these complications between M and J would not happen if it wasn’t for love, and they would still trust each other come what may.
But I guess feelings grow naturally. A true feeling needs no promise , and no promise can make an untrue feelings survive , so why promise and build expectations and lead to unfulfilled ones ? Ok I accept I’ve caused hurt and I wish I would not have caused so much hurt to people . To make a promise and then break it comes naturally to me . "I will call you" , " I will send over a gift" , "I will take your dog for a walk" , I keep saying things only to discover I’m with the PS2 when I should be doing these things . I really have disappointed a lot of people , with rather violent repercussions . I promise I will get a 'Highly unreliable' tattoo one of these days , so that people know .Maybe I am just too immature to handle all the responsibility and promises a commitment demands . But in my opinion , one can be more easy , be a lot more frank , and a lot more natural with a girl who is just happy to see a box of chocolates instead of getting worried over some new girl who just moved in next door.
SCENE 1
Guy ( handing over the box to the girl ) – Hey, I got these for you, I guess you like chocolates.
Girl – Thank you ! I love them. *Girl thinks – WOW , it would be fun eating all of these chocolates, Fuck Calorie consciousness*
SCENE 2
Guy ( handing over the box to the girl ) – Hey, I got these for you, I guess you like chocolates.
Girl – Thank you ! I love them. *Girl thinks – OMG, again gifts from him, but over the last three weeks, he’s been a little cold. Since the time that new girl has moved in next door, he has’nt been his normal self. See, even the chocolates gifted aren’t Swiss. maybe he hates me, now that I’ve put on weight . Hell, I’m so scared and anxious now, besides these chocolates are beginning to taste like antiseptic soap.
Nah , my brain’s not having one of it’s “go wild with imagination” exercises today , one of these scenarios happened to me today , and it was it was SCENE 1, I humbly suggest she start off on an intercontinental jog tomorrow morning for all those calorie infested chocolates she relished without offering me any.
And it makes me appreciate how much more delightful a simple guy-gal friendship is, rather than a “coochie coochie” relationship.
The “expectations/possession” that creeps when a girl is your girlfriend and not just a friend is one wierd issue , atleast with a ‘Care-a-damn’ types like me. I gifted her chocolates because she is a friend , and I wanted her to have fun gobbling them up , and that is that. And this kind of relation is so simple , natural and free of muddled feelings and assumed expectations.
But the moment a ‘proposal and acceptance’ takes place between a guy and a girl , things are transformed. Suddenly the girl, who was a friend till yesterday is a girlfriend . Till last month , M and J were good friends . M called J his friend. Then M proposed and J accepted. Now M calls J “My girl”. I mean, hehehe “My girl?”
Then if J decides to go out on a lunch with her childhood friend G, M narrows his eyes and asks her “what up girl, something going on???” and threatens her with dire consequences if the answer is in the affirmative.
If M does not send J a bunch of fresh roses on the anniversary of the day they first met, J calls him up in the evening , says Hello , then coughs , sobs and breaks into a long wail which ends in “You are not the same , M” or something to that effect followed by a violent slamming down of the phone.
And God forbid , if J goes out to shop and spots M driving around with a pretty girl, she will throw dangerously heavy things at M till he shows her the birth certificate of that girl to prove that it was his sister he was going to drop at her friends place.
Considering my state of existence , I don’t think I will have too much experience in this. But from what I know, a simple friendship is a very direct and delightful relationship to have . Maybe all these complications between M and J would not happen if it wasn’t for love, and they would still trust each other come what may.
But I guess feelings grow naturally. A true feeling needs no promise , and no promise can make an untrue feelings survive , so why promise and build expectations and lead to unfulfilled ones ? Ok I accept I’ve caused hurt and I wish I would not have caused so much hurt to people . To make a promise and then break it comes naturally to me . "I will call you" , " I will send over a gift" , "I will take your dog for a walk" , I keep saying things only to discover I’m with the PS2 when I should be doing these things . I really have disappointed a lot of people , with rather violent repercussions . I promise I will get a 'Highly unreliable' tattoo one of these days , so that people know .Maybe I am just too immature to handle all the responsibility and promises a commitment demands . But in my opinion , one can be more easy , be a lot more frank , and a lot more natural with a girl who is just happy to see a box of chocolates instead of getting worried over some new girl who just moved in next door.
June 26, 2006
AND THANKS FOR THE COMMENTS...
Yesterday being a sunday, was a normal everyday morning. I was sleeping in a physically traumatic position on a bed shared with books, clothes, a guitar and my pocket pc. Mom called and said "Get out of bed glenn". Then she called and said "G L E N N !!!! , you have to go to church, get out of bed now". Then she called and said - "I am calling for the third time in the last half an hour . If you don't get out of bed right now and get to church, I’ll burn all the Toy cars you got in your room here at home." Love demands sacrifices , I was out of my house in 20 minutes.
"Your future depends on your dreams" and I need to sleep to have dreams. For some reasons my folks never understood that.
I started blogging early this year, no car to drive around, no girlf to drive around even if i had a car then and nothing much to do besides staying home playing PS2, watching television and facing questions which effectively meant "How did an ass like you make it to the ad- world?". I still field the last question.
So I was as bored as a sardaar watching a tamil movie , and decided to start up this blog.I started this blog to express myself , to just enjoy presenting myself the way I am, being just myself , not a Ad guy , not a Lawyer's son , not the good neighbour who bears up with the traumatizing love songs, but just me , the way I am. I can never be anyone but myself.
Your comments have made me laugh , smirk , roll my eyes , kiss the screen , smile , gasp , chuckle , suffocate, punch the screen because someone I have never met and if you guys say your prayers regularly, most probably won't ever meet, left their valuable comments on my blog.
Meenal said I never reply to any of the comments on my blog. I apologise for not doing that. (Conscientious_contender the “apology” isn’t for you) I promise to continue to make an attempt to reply to all the comments on my blog from now on.. and THANK YOU for the comments.
Yesterday being a sunday, was a normal everyday morning. I was sleeping in a physically traumatic position on a bed shared with books, clothes, a guitar and my pocket pc. Mom called and said "Get out of bed glenn". Then she called and said "G L E N N !!!! , you have to go to church, get out of bed now". Then she called and said - "I am calling for the third time in the last half an hour . If you don't get out of bed right now and get to church, I’ll burn all the Toy cars you got in your room here at home." Love demands sacrifices , I was out of my house in 20 minutes.
"Your future depends on your dreams" and I need to sleep to have dreams. For some reasons my folks never understood that.
I started blogging early this year, no car to drive around, no girlf to drive around even if i had a car then and nothing much to do besides staying home playing PS2, watching television and facing questions which effectively meant "How did an ass like you make it to the ad- world?". I still field the last question.
So I was as bored as a sardaar watching a tamil movie , and decided to start up this blog.I started this blog to express myself , to just enjoy presenting myself the way I am, being just myself , not a Ad guy , not a Lawyer's son , not the good neighbour who bears up with the traumatizing love songs, but just me , the way I am. I can never be anyone but myself.
Your comments have made me laugh , smirk , roll my eyes , kiss the screen , smile , gasp , chuckle , suffocate, punch the screen because someone I have never met and if you guys say your prayers regularly, most probably won't ever meet, left their valuable comments on my blog.
Meenal said I never reply to any of the comments on my blog. I apologise for not doing that. (Conscientious_contender the “apology” isn’t for you) I promise to continue to make an attempt to reply to all the comments on my blog from now on.. and THANK YOU for the comments.
June 25, 2006
A friend of mine believes in astrology more than she believes in gravity and solar system. She is educated. She can do a lot more than sign her name and write down her address and dial telephone numbers. I mean , she is educated and not the type who would go to ‘tantriks’ and make them hit her with big peacock feathers to cure fever. But she believes in astrology.
Her Boyf is a docile guy. He doesn’t oppose when she says its not a good day to be out, so the dinner at Marriott’s stands cancelled. He doesn’t oppose when she cooks food so bad that the dining table looks tastier. So he doesn’t oppose when she visits an “astrologer”.
I think this entire concept is strange. Like , some big stony planets move up there and decide what happens to someone down here ? Like , Pluto moves to the right , comes in line with Mars and she falls down the stairs ? Like , Venus and and Jupiter and Saturn form an isosceles triangle and she meets a very cute guy in the mall ? how can planets and stars and astrology tell about anyone’s future or life ?
Thankfully, I don’t believe in astrology. But still, enthusiastic friends who read some astrology book during some bus journey, girls who want a reason to hold my hand , have been occasionally looking at my hands , face , forehead and a lot of other body parts in an attempt to predict my future.
Some things have been predicted time and again. I am going to be decently rich. I am going to have a decently pretty wife. I am going to spend some decent time holidaying in the Caribbean. A lot of them tell me this. I don’t believe in astrology. But things like these make me want to believe in it .
And then there have been predictions which make me want to burn all the astrology books and push all the astrologers in a cage with a hungry Lion .
My life would end with a suicide.
One of them told me this. I asked him to recheck. He rechecked and asked me not to worry and said it would be a peaceful suicide. I asked him to recheck. He rechecked and started giving me the details , like the exact year of the suicide and the name of the six storeyed multiplex I would jump off and the brand of the pen used to write the suicide note. So I asked him to stop and not recheck. I think this guy was depressed and needed medical help and was jealous of me and should be made to kiss a pig. I hate astrology at moments like these.
But all in all , I still do not believe in astrology. I would like to know a lot of answers about my future. But I don’t think any astrologer can provide them . I mean , this entire concept is funny. Its like , mars says to uranus ,"Hey uranus , I want Glenn to end this damn post , you move to your left a little , that would get the mars - uranus alignment required to make that happen".
Her Boyf is a docile guy. He doesn’t oppose when she says its not a good day to be out, so the dinner at Marriott’s stands cancelled. He doesn’t oppose when she cooks food so bad that the dining table looks tastier. So he doesn’t oppose when she visits an “astrologer”.
I think this entire concept is strange. Like , some big stony planets move up there and decide what happens to someone down here ? Like , Pluto moves to the right , comes in line with Mars and she falls down the stairs ? Like , Venus and and Jupiter and Saturn form an isosceles triangle and she meets a very cute guy in the mall ? how can planets and stars and astrology tell about anyone’s future or life ?
Thankfully, I don’t believe in astrology. But still, enthusiastic friends who read some astrology book during some bus journey, girls who want a reason to hold my hand , have been occasionally looking at my hands , face , forehead and a lot of other body parts in an attempt to predict my future.
Some things have been predicted time and again. I am going to be decently rich. I am going to have a decently pretty wife. I am going to spend some decent time holidaying in the Caribbean. A lot of them tell me this. I don’t believe in astrology. But things like these make me want to believe in it .
And then there have been predictions which make me want to burn all the astrology books and push all the astrologers in a cage with a hungry Lion .
My life would end with a suicide.
One of them told me this. I asked him to recheck. He rechecked and asked me not to worry and said it would be a peaceful suicide. I asked him to recheck. He rechecked and started giving me the details , like the exact year of the suicide and the name of the six storeyed multiplex I would jump off and the brand of the pen used to write the suicide note. So I asked him to stop and not recheck. I think this guy was depressed and needed medical help and was jealous of me and should be made to kiss a pig. I hate astrology at moments like these.
But all in all , I still do not believe in astrology. I would like to know a lot of answers about my future. But I don’t think any astrologer can provide them . I mean , this entire concept is funny. Its like , mars says to uranus ,"Hey uranus , I want Glenn to end this damn post , you move to your left a little , that would get the mars - uranus alignment required to make that happen".
June 24, 2006
As a kid, I was the best-friend of a lot of people, and that's natural when someone is as harmless as me . No one feared me, it was the classic case of everybody liking the guy who could not beat them in exams , not steal away their girlfriends and could not stop them from eating his lunch.
I was perfect friend material, safe and useful . But due to certain behavioural mismatches , I was never comfortable with the girls. They demanded I don't use foul language . They sprinkled any conversation with 'so sweet', ' so cute' and such pink terms, which was in direct dissonance with the Arnold schwarzzi’s self image I fostered . So when I was a kid , I considered girls pretty high headed , selfish and mean cats , out to destroy my happy little world of uncaring machoism .
I feel pretty tired now, cos I spent the last half trying to let out a bird that had found its way into my apartment. The Park, the trees & the lawn sprinklers around make it an attractive place for birds. So at around 10:00pm, I noticed a little baby bird flying in vicious circles, just below the ceiling of my room. quite an odd time for baby bird to be be flying about!! I thought the guy must be a brave late-nighter like me. I got up and opened the door and the windows. But the little brat had learnt no other shape except the circle in his geometry class. I played Sean Paul’s “Temperature”, a song I find disturbing enough to make a lion vacate his cage , but the little bird kept at showing me his circular flying skills. Five minutes ago , he realised that I was not going to give him a 'nice flying' remark , so he shot out of the window, now that I'm done with the bird, i'm done with the mails, and done with my post.. Playstation here i come.
I was perfect friend material, safe and useful . But due to certain behavioural mismatches , I was never comfortable with the girls. They demanded I don't use foul language . They sprinkled any conversation with 'so sweet', ' so cute' and such pink terms, which was in direct dissonance with the Arnold schwarzzi’s self image I fostered . So when I was a kid , I considered girls pretty high headed , selfish and mean cats , out to destroy my happy little world of uncaring machoism .
I feel pretty tired now, cos I spent the last half trying to let out a bird that had found its way into my apartment. The Park, the trees & the lawn sprinklers around make it an attractive place for birds. So at around 10:00pm, I noticed a little baby bird flying in vicious circles, just below the ceiling of my room. quite an odd time for baby bird to be be flying about!! I thought the guy must be a brave late-nighter like me. I got up and opened the door and the windows. But the little brat had learnt no other shape except the circle in his geometry class. I played Sean Paul’s “Temperature”, a song I find disturbing enough to make a lion vacate his cage , but the little bird kept at showing me his circular flying skills. Five minutes ago , he realised that I was not going to give him a 'nice flying' remark , so he shot out of the window, now that I'm done with the bird, i'm done with the mails, and done with my post.. Playstation here i come.
June 22, 2006
The world is a sea of pretentions. Fools pretend to be intelligent , cheats pretend to be honest , foes pretend to be friends, and all of us go through such stress trying to be what we are not. We are so mindful of what others think of us. We fear hate and rejection.
But what i have learnt so far is that trying to please others is like trying to move a mountain and so I blog not with the intention to please anybody, I have acquired this care-a-damn attitude about what others think of me. I hate to pretend and always try to be my own self. Its difficult but once you acquire this ,it can be the most comforting and liberating attitude to have.
I know the above crap would not make much of sense ,and is nothing new, Just wanted to express how phony this world can sometimes be.
But what i have learnt so far is that trying to please others is like trying to move a mountain and so I blog not with the intention to please anybody, I have acquired this care-a-damn attitude about what others think of me. I hate to pretend and always try to be my own self. Its difficult but once you acquire this ,it can be the most comforting and liberating attitude to have.
I know the above crap would not make much of sense ,and is nothing new, Just wanted to express how phony this world can sometimes be.
N calls me up saying he had to go shopping for some stuff. He asked me to accompany him . I think he asked me because I am short . It's a simple relative theory . A guy is alone . He looks ok . A guy is with a short guy . He looks tall . I refused N and told him I had to work on an assignment of top priority. He promised to pay for my pizza if I went with him . It took me seven seconds to get ready.
So we drove to Deira City Centre . Theres a nice bright bookstore with a lot of books . Middle aged women sit around on low stools and pore over books discussing ways to rekindle the fire in married lives . Little kids noisily run around book racks and their mothers threaten to burn their toys if they don't shut up . Young girls are around the fiction racks . I think most people found in a bookstore are fat . Maybe it's because they spend a lot of time sitting and reading books on weight reduction . I picked up ‘The Boy Who Fell Out of the Sky' and went to the billing counter .
The billing girl at the counter looked at the big print on my white t-shirt that read “Here I am .. what are your other two wishes” and gave me a smile. I think i spiraled her into a frenzy of wishful thinking and as I went away , she smiled at me again. I could feel it . It wasn't the 'please visit again' smile every customer gets . I wasnt gonna stay and find out what got her smiling.. Im not gonna wear that Tshirt anymore !!
We got out and went into a sports shop. N kept checking out the price tags of all the stuff there . He made a peculiar whooshing sound with his breath every time he did that . I think it translates into 'Why dont I have a rich dad who is into smuggling ?' . I did not have to buy anything . So I was pretty relaxed and tried on all the caps while he went around looking for something which had the price of a matchbox . He bought a pair of orange shorts finally . The people there don't have the right marketing guys . It is a blunder to have that dark guy at the billing counter . I felt a strange creepy chill the way he smiled at me. Its disgusting to feel like a prime target for these kinda men. I will never go to that store again. Clearly theT-shirt i had was doing me no good.
Then we went to the food court to eat something . Never trust anyone . Just do not . People promise to pay for your pizza and then just back out. And you can't do a thing because they have already bought the obscenely orange shorts and got your company while doing it . It is a hard world . And then you realise it's harder . I was not even carrying much money and had to settle for a Subway . I wanted to empty the ketchup sachet in N's nose . But a short cute guy can't just fill someone's nostrils with ketchup and not be beaten thereafter . I controlled my anger.
On our way back in the car , N's girlfriend called up . I screamed 'Don't touch me N !' followed by 'Leave me N !' in the most girly voice I could put on . He spent the rest of the call explaining to his girlfriend back in goa that there was no girl around him . You don't give me a pizza . I tear apart your love life .Fair and simple.
So we drove to Deira City Centre . Theres a nice bright bookstore with a lot of books . Middle aged women sit around on low stools and pore over books discussing ways to rekindle the fire in married lives . Little kids noisily run around book racks and their mothers threaten to burn their toys if they don't shut up . Young girls are around the fiction racks . I think most people found in a bookstore are fat . Maybe it's because they spend a lot of time sitting and reading books on weight reduction . I picked up ‘The Boy Who Fell Out of the Sky' and went to the billing counter .
The billing girl at the counter looked at the big print on my white t-shirt that read “Here I am .. what are your other two wishes” and gave me a smile. I think i spiraled her into a frenzy of wishful thinking and as I went away , she smiled at me again. I could feel it . It wasn't the 'please visit again' smile every customer gets . I wasnt gonna stay and find out what got her smiling.. Im not gonna wear that Tshirt anymore !!
We got out and went into a sports shop. N kept checking out the price tags of all the stuff there . He made a peculiar whooshing sound with his breath every time he did that . I think it translates into 'Why dont I have a rich dad who is into smuggling ?' . I did not have to buy anything . So I was pretty relaxed and tried on all the caps while he went around looking for something which had the price of a matchbox . He bought a pair of orange shorts finally . The people there don't have the right marketing guys . It is a blunder to have that dark guy at the billing counter . I felt a strange creepy chill the way he smiled at me. Its disgusting to feel like a prime target for these kinda men. I will never go to that store again. Clearly theT-shirt i had was doing me no good.
Then we went to the food court to eat something . Never trust anyone . Just do not . People promise to pay for your pizza and then just back out. And you can't do a thing because they have already bought the obscenely orange shorts and got your company while doing it . It is a hard world . And then you realise it's harder . I was not even carrying much money and had to settle for a Subway . I wanted to empty the ketchup sachet in N's nose . But a short cute guy can't just fill someone's nostrils with ketchup and not be beaten thereafter . I controlled my anger.
On our way back in the car , N's girlfriend called up . I screamed 'Don't touch me N !' followed by 'Leave me N !' in the most girly voice I could put on . He spent the rest of the call explaining to his girlfriend back in goa that there was no girl around him . You don't give me a pizza . I tear apart your love life .Fair and simple.
June 21, 2006
I’M THE DUMB ONE.
The distance between the moon and earth is pretty long. And according to my parents the distance I have to go, before I can be called a "responsible person", is longer than that.
Yesterday , while driving home from work I stopped over at the food court in Deira City Centre. Standing in line, I looked around at all the "couples" who sat around me. Holding hands. Shy smiles. Loud giggles. People in "love" maybe.
If you shifted to earth very recently , its another matter. But if you have been around on this planet for anything more than 15 minutes, you would have heard this word. For a bollywood director , "love" must be the greatest invention ever. To spot a UFO while on your way to office tomorrow is easier than spotting a movie which does not involve the deadly trio - boy , girl , love. Even the cyber world is bustling with desperate flirts who hope to find "love".
And then this boyfriend-girlfriend thing. Its like a toothbrush. You got to have one.
" Hi , I have brain cancer."
Thats ok , we all gotta die anyway.
"Guess what, my house burned down last night."
Don’t worry , these things happen.
"Hey , I dont have a girlfriend."
What ! Why did not you tell me about this ? Oh poor boy , everything will be fine.God can be real cruel sometimes...
Everybody knows about love. Talks about love. And the way this "love" word is use, leaves me feeling strange. I feel there are two different aspects. To love someone. And to be loved. It is said "to be loved" is a natural need. And for me , its a need and not love. As long as you want this person or need this person , you dont love her , you love yourself and want "to be loved" by her.
Love is not meant to be a selfish thing. Love is much harder and selfless than that. To love is not to wish for someone to be with oneself , but to give up oneself for that someone. Love is not in sharing cocktails on some beach, but in staying thirsty if it helps her. love's beauty is in being so consumed with it , that you forget your pains and smile , just because she smiled somewhere , no longer aware of your existence. Love is not about wanting her, but wanting her happiness , with you or without you.
I wonder if the word "love" is used as a cover-up for selfish desires , needs and wants. I am no authority.I am no guru with the sagacious face and the halo around my head. But the way love is seen as some "coochie-coochie-valentines-gift-holding hands" concept leaves me feeling funny. Love is hard. Love is not a punishment which leaves you restless. But it is something which makes you feel a bliss in a punishment , just because she is happy.
I am not looking at any roses placed between yellowed pages.And I do not wish to insult anyone's feelings. Just that I feel, that to love someone is supposed to be something very deep and heartfelt, that when you say "I love you" to someone , realise the responsibility and commitment it stands for. Its not about you anymore. Its about your partner. And I am not trying to preach anything here , please.J ust that I felt something ,and wrote it. And if I dont make sense , and you wonder what's the problem with me - see the title to the post.
The distance between the moon and earth is pretty long. And according to my parents the distance I have to go, before I can be called a "responsible person", is longer than that.
Yesterday , while driving home from work I stopped over at the food court in Deira City Centre. Standing in line, I looked around at all the "couples" who sat around me. Holding hands. Shy smiles. Loud giggles. People in "love" maybe.
If you shifted to earth very recently , its another matter. But if you have been around on this planet for anything more than 15 minutes, you would have heard this word. For a bollywood director , "love" must be the greatest invention ever. To spot a UFO while on your way to office tomorrow is easier than spotting a movie which does not involve the deadly trio - boy , girl , love. Even the cyber world is bustling with desperate flirts who hope to find "love".
And then this boyfriend-girlfriend thing. Its like a toothbrush. You got to have one.
" Hi , I have brain cancer."
Thats ok , we all gotta die anyway.
"Guess what, my house burned down last night."
Don’t worry , these things happen.
"Hey , I dont have a girlfriend."
What ! Why did not you tell me about this ? Oh poor boy , everything will be fine.God can be real cruel sometimes...
Everybody knows about love. Talks about love. And the way this "love" word is use, leaves me feeling strange. I feel there are two different aspects. To love someone. And to be loved. It is said "to be loved" is a natural need. And for me , its a need and not love. As long as you want this person or need this person , you dont love her , you love yourself and want "to be loved" by her.
Love is not meant to be a selfish thing. Love is much harder and selfless than that. To love is not to wish for someone to be with oneself , but to give up oneself for that someone. Love is not in sharing cocktails on some beach, but in staying thirsty if it helps her. love's beauty is in being so consumed with it , that you forget your pains and smile , just because she smiled somewhere , no longer aware of your existence. Love is not about wanting her, but wanting her happiness , with you or without you.
I wonder if the word "love" is used as a cover-up for selfish desires , needs and wants. I am no authority.I am no guru with the sagacious face and the halo around my head. But the way love is seen as some "coochie-coochie-valentines-gift-holding hands" concept leaves me feeling funny. Love is hard. Love is not a punishment which leaves you restless. But it is something which makes you feel a bliss in a punishment , just because she is happy.
I am not looking at any roses placed between yellowed pages.And I do not wish to insult anyone's feelings. Just that I feel, that to love someone is supposed to be something very deep and heartfelt, that when you say "I love you" to someone , realise the responsibility and commitment it stands for. Its not about you anymore. Its about your partner. And I am not trying to preach anything here , please.J ust that I felt something ,and wrote it. And if I dont make sense , and you wonder what's the problem with me - see the title to the post.
June 20, 2006
I WANT TO BECOME A WRITER
Any day I would prefer Vodka to tea or coffee. But since, they don’t allow liquor in my office, I have to take tea breaks. It gives me time to see where my life is going. So Im thinking of taking up writing as a profession and make a little money with my literary skills.
I guess I should stop calling myself a writer. I am more of a typer. Sometimes, I surpass my own intelligence. Come to think the most paying literary pieces are ransom notes. Not a good idea, considering my lack of patience and kidnapping expertise. According to a recent survey, 80 per cent of people felt that very soon doctor’s prescription will overtake ransom notes as the most paying literary pieces. Again not a good idea.
I've also seriously got to consider getting some sleep, cos right now I feel like my 6 month old baby-cousin who never sleeps. I think I’m going down with a flu, before leaving Goa this time my parents gave me medicines and capsules enough to cure the entire of Somalia but forgot to put in a thermometer.
Also , I am in the process of reducing clutter from life these days. It’s been like three days since I’ve watched a movie and am beginning to forget what Cameron Diaz looks like. Instead , I am reading books. I am the guy who grew up reading phantom & Tin Tin.. So me reading books is like Mr. Vajpayee trying to be an MTV VJ. But Im liking it !!
Any day I would prefer Vodka to tea or coffee. But since, they don’t allow liquor in my office, I have to take tea breaks. It gives me time to see where my life is going. So Im thinking of taking up writing as a profession and make a little money with my literary skills.
I guess I should stop calling myself a writer. I am more of a typer. Sometimes, I surpass my own intelligence. Come to think the most paying literary pieces are ransom notes. Not a good idea, considering my lack of patience and kidnapping expertise. According to a recent survey, 80 per cent of people felt that very soon doctor’s prescription will overtake ransom notes as the most paying literary pieces. Again not a good idea.
I've also seriously got to consider getting some sleep, cos right now I feel like my 6 month old baby-cousin who never sleeps. I think I’m going down with a flu, before leaving Goa this time my parents gave me medicines and capsules enough to cure the entire of Somalia but forgot to put in a thermometer.
Also , I am in the process of reducing clutter from life these days. It’s been like three days since I’ve watched a movie and am beginning to forget what Cameron Diaz looks like. Instead , I am reading books. I am the guy who grew up reading phantom & Tin Tin.. So me reading books is like Mr. Vajpayee trying to be an MTV VJ. But Im liking it !!
June 19, 2006
MORNING BLUES
The toolbar on my macintosh shows 4.08 am. My Neighbour has been quite & peaceful. Im happy for her. The lights in my room are off, making the clutter of books and clothes around me melt into the darkness.No one disturbs me much at such hours. I feel very quiet and relaxed and I have no idea about what I am going to write. And it is cool , to write without any direction.
Life is good right now. I have my problems , but they are much smaller than any of the life threatening diseases. So I believe god has been decently kind to me .
I feel happy that my family is healthy and safe. My parents. My grandma. They must be sleeping right now. I love my grandma a lot. I do not remember my dad slapping me, except when we pulled a few papers from the files in his study to make paper boats. As kids only books were considered important, we didn’t know Why Lawyers kept Files anyway. I would have given up my kid for adoption had he done anything half as damaging.
Grandma was the sweetest she used to teach me in the first few years of school. My mom always slapped me when she taught me.
Grandma asked : what is 4 X 5 ? I said : I know it Nanny ! I learnt that fifteen minutes ago. Its 50 ! Grandma grinned. Mom asked : what is 5 X 6 ? I said: Ummm...40 ? Slap !!!!
And I feel a little sad right now , because of ‘Flor’s Daughter’. Incase your confused she’s the same girl from the previous post. She’s the girl I was with for so many years and we’re not together now. But it is ok, am not chewing rat poison or planning to slash my wrists or suffocate myself by smelling my socks tonight. I will never know how things would be if we chose to be with each other, but it is fine. I do not know if aliens exist. I do not know the chemical reaction which makes glycerine. I do not know if George Bush wears red underpants . And I live without knowing all this. So I just got another thing I will never know.
As I live , a lot of things which looked important to me have started losing their significance. I have a set of people I care about. Those in that set matter to me , and they decide my happiness. This set contains my family , and some real life friends. Those outside the circle can not hurt me. If I find them nice they get into my circle. Else they do not matter , unless they got a gun , in which case they matter a lot.
Anyway , I think I should stop . I apologise for writing some crap and posting it on a blog. But it felt good to talk. Gotta be leaving for work in two hours time so I gotta catch some sleep
The toolbar on my macintosh shows 4.08 am. My Neighbour has been quite & peaceful. Im happy for her. The lights in my room are off, making the clutter of books and clothes around me melt into the darkness.No one disturbs me much at such hours. I feel very quiet and relaxed and I have no idea about what I am going to write. And it is cool , to write without any direction.
Life is good right now. I have my problems , but they are much smaller than any of the life threatening diseases. So I believe god has been decently kind to me .
I feel happy that my family is healthy and safe. My parents. My grandma. They must be sleeping right now. I love my grandma a lot. I do not remember my dad slapping me, except when we pulled a few papers from the files in his study to make paper boats. As kids only books were considered important, we didn’t know Why Lawyers kept Files anyway. I would have given up my kid for adoption had he done anything half as damaging.
Grandma was the sweetest she used to teach me in the first few years of school. My mom always slapped me when she taught me.
Grandma asked : what is 4 X 5 ? I said : I know it Nanny ! I learnt that fifteen minutes ago. Its 50 ! Grandma grinned. Mom asked : what is 5 X 6 ? I said: Ummm...40 ? Slap !!!!
And I feel a little sad right now , because of ‘Flor’s Daughter’. Incase your confused she’s the same girl from the previous post. She’s the girl I was with for so many years and we’re not together now. But it is ok, am not chewing rat poison or planning to slash my wrists or suffocate myself by smelling my socks tonight. I will never know how things would be if we chose to be with each other, but it is fine. I do not know if aliens exist. I do not know the chemical reaction which makes glycerine. I do not know if George Bush wears red underpants . And I live without knowing all this. So I just got another thing I will never know.
As I live , a lot of things which looked important to me have started losing their significance. I have a set of people I care about. Those in that set matter to me , and they decide my happiness. This set contains my family , and some real life friends. Those outside the circle can not hurt me. If I find them nice they get into my circle. Else they do not matter , unless they got a gun , in which case they matter a lot.
Anyway , I think I should stop . I apologise for writing some crap and posting it on a blog. But it felt good to talk. Gotta be leaving for work in two hours time so I gotta catch some sleep
June 18, 2006
You wouldn’t believe it but there is a mother called ‘Flor’ who lives in Chandor. I wouldn’t have known the 45-year-old if I hadn’t fallen in love with her daughter when in college. With love came the chase-her-till-she-gets-into-her-house sessions. During one such chase, the pretty little daughter whipped out an AK-47 and said: “Why are you chasing me?”
First I was surprised. It is not daily that you see a gun-wielding damsel. With the confidence of a stoned Mike Tyson. I managed to say: “I am in love with you.”
“There are so many of you who say this.”
“Do they? Bastards?”
“I want you to leave immediately. Yesterday was my birthday and you have no idea what my mom gifted me.”
“My belated birthday wishes. To hell with what your mom gifted you…I am not leaving you until you tell me you love me”
she immediately whipped out an AK-47 and pointed it at me. All hell broke loose…I was no longer the Mike Tyson that I tried to be. I felt more like a thief just caught red-handed by Mike Tyson inside his house.
Thanks to her mom, I never did the chase-her-till-she-gets-into-her-house session again.
First I was surprised. It is not daily that you see a gun-wielding damsel. With the confidence of a stoned Mike Tyson. I managed to say: “I am in love with you.”
“There are so many of you who say this.”
“Do they? Bastards?”
“I want you to leave immediately. Yesterday was my birthday and you have no idea what my mom gifted me.”
“My belated birthday wishes. To hell with what your mom gifted you…I am not leaving you until you tell me you love me”
she immediately whipped out an AK-47 and pointed it at me. All hell broke loose…I was no longer the Mike Tyson that I tried to be. I felt more like a thief just caught red-handed by Mike Tyson inside his house.
Thanks to her mom, I never did the chase-her-till-she-gets-into-her-house session again.
June 13, 2006
When I was driving back home from work today, I think I saw this dude I went to high school with. My last memory of him was walking out of class after this huge food fight and he was covered in ketchup. Actually, it may have been the curries. Either way, the poor guy was doused. He wasn't a very popular guy, nor was I, but I was way more popular then him and popular for all the wrong reasons. There were at least 17 people between he and I on the popular scale. Anyway, he had nothing to do with the food fight, but probably got the worst of it.
No teacher in our class spelt "M I S H A P" for our school principal. Unfortunately a 10 minute delay in the teacher coming to our class created chaos at school that morning. It all started with the "push-the-guy-on-another-guy" game. You know the pushing the smaller guys around..
Anyway there was this huge guy eating a pastry while he watched everyone being pushed around, proud of the fact no one dared mess with him. Things were OK until i was pushed by someone straight into him one look up at him and there was cake all over his chin, nose, hair... "O Oh!" "whoa not me.. there.. " turned around and everyone suddenly turned saints. Run was all i could think of.. not being able to get his hands on anything else he took the same piece of cake and sent the pastry flying after me.. The projectile missed and landed on someone else.. as expected.. 2 minutes later the place was a disaster. There was food all over the place. 7 minutes later we were standing outside the principal’s office with probable suspensions.
Luckily I was in the few who got away with writing impositions.. A thousand times.. I WILL KEEP MY CLASSROOM CLEAN. Which was actually ok, cos at home I was the only guy at the playground who had a football. Now if you want to play with the football you got to help me write the imposition. “No imposition.. No Football” 15 minutes later we’re on the playground. Imposition completed. The remainder of the class was to spend the next 4 Saturday’s at detention class!!
I don’t know why I was being blamed for it but as revenge someone conspired and came up with the idea of writing a bomb-hoax letter to the school principal. The next Three days I was suspended. Luckily for me It wasn’t the first time I was getting suspended. My folks thought I was at school and my teachers thought I was home. As usual I spent the days at the municipal garden hoping not to get caught.
No teacher in our class spelt "M I S H A P" for our school principal. Unfortunately a 10 minute delay in the teacher coming to our class created chaos at school that morning. It all started with the "push-the-guy-on-another-guy" game. You know the pushing the smaller guys around..
Anyway there was this huge guy eating a pastry while he watched everyone being pushed around, proud of the fact no one dared mess with him. Things were OK until i was pushed by someone straight into him one look up at him and there was cake all over his chin, nose, hair... "O Oh!" "whoa not me.. there.. " turned around and everyone suddenly turned saints. Run was all i could think of.. not being able to get his hands on anything else he took the same piece of cake and sent the pastry flying after me.. The projectile missed and landed on someone else.. as expected.. 2 minutes later the place was a disaster. There was food all over the place. 7 minutes later we were standing outside the principal’s office with probable suspensions.
Luckily I was in the few who got away with writing impositions.. A thousand times.. I WILL KEEP MY CLASSROOM CLEAN. Which was actually ok, cos at home I was the only guy at the playground who had a football. Now if you want to play with the football you got to help me write the imposition. “No imposition.. No Football” 15 minutes later we’re on the playground. Imposition completed. The remainder of the class was to spend the next 4 Saturday’s at detention class!!
I don’t know why I was being blamed for it but as revenge someone conspired and came up with the idea of writing a bomb-hoax letter to the school principal. The next Three days I was suspended. Luckily for me It wasn’t the first time I was getting suspended. My folks thought I was at school and my teachers thought I was home. As usual I spent the days at the municipal garden hoping not to get caught.
June 11, 2006
THANKS A LOT
I had a friend thank me for not returning her call after work yesterday evening.. “THANKS A LOT” she said…
“THANKS A LOT” is much different than the "Thanks" a woman normally says. A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she’s really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by a "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask her what’s wrong after the "LOUD SIGH".
The “LOUD SIGH” is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you’re an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she’s wasting her time standing there arguing with you over Nothing. Now if you’ve been smart enough not to ask her why the loud sigh and just apologise.. she’ll say ”THAT'S OKAY”.
”THAT'S OKAY” one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble. “That’s Ok” usually is in conjunction to the word “FINE”.
If you’ve read my earlier post you’ll know that when you hear a woman say the word “FINE” She’s using it to end the argument thinking she’s right and you need to shut up. Never ever use "FINE" to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one more of "those" arguments. If you listen attentively & carefully you’ll hear another “SOFT SIGH”.
“SOFT SIGH” Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sigh" means that she is content. Your best bet is not to move or breathe, and she will stay content. At this point don’t you dare try to emotionally blackmail her cos she’s angry and will give you the “GO AHEAD” if she feels your threatening her.
GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "RAISED EYEBROW GO AHEAD" in just a few minutes.
GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over again which Im sure by now you don’t want happening. and will end with the word "FINE".
And so I begged her to atleast listen to what I have to say and give me a chance to speak.. finally after enduring everything I got the long awaited “PLEASE DO”.
“PLEASE DO” This is not a statement, it is an offer. She gave me the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason I had for doing whatever it is that I had done. My fair chance with the truth, If you’ve ever had a woman give you a chance to speak the truth you are bound to get the “THAT'S OKAY" when you’ve finished.
If you’re waiting for a tip on how to get ou of the mess you got yourself into.. Im sorry !! theres nothing you can do to avoid being turned inside out, upside down, and backwards. God have Mercy on you !!
I had a friend thank me for not returning her call after work yesterday evening.. “THANKS A LOT” she said…
“THANKS A LOT” is much different than the "Thanks" a woman normally says. A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she’s really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by a "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask her what’s wrong after the "LOUD SIGH".
The “LOUD SIGH” is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you’re an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she’s wasting her time standing there arguing with you over Nothing. Now if you’ve been smart enough not to ask her why the loud sigh and just apologise.. she’ll say ”THAT'S OKAY”.
”THAT'S OKAY” one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble. “That’s Ok” usually is in conjunction to the word “FINE”.
If you’ve read my earlier post you’ll know that when you hear a woman say the word “FINE” She’s using it to end the argument thinking she’s right and you need to shut up. Never ever use "FINE" to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one more of "those" arguments. If you listen attentively & carefully you’ll hear another “SOFT SIGH”.
“SOFT SIGH” Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sigh" means that she is content. Your best bet is not to move or breathe, and she will stay content. At this point don’t you dare try to emotionally blackmail her cos she’s angry and will give you the “GO AHEAD” if she feels your threatening her.
GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "RAISED EYEBROW GO AHEAD" in just a few minutes.
GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over again which Im sure by now you don’t want happening. and will end with the word "FINE".
And so I begged her to atleast listen to what I have to say and give me a chance to speak.. finally after enduring everything I got the long awaited “PLEASE DO”.
“PLEASE DO” This is not a statement, it is an offer. She gave me the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason I had for doing whatever it is that I had done. My fair chance with the truth, If you’ve ever had a woman give you a chance to speak the truth you are bound to get the “THAT'S OKAY" when you’ve finished.
If you’re waiting for a tip on how to get ou of the mess you got yourself into.. Im sorry !! theres nothing you can do to avoid being turned inside out, upside down, and backwards. God have Mercy on you !!
June 10, 2006
SORRY ABOUT MY PREVIOUS POST
I know I write emotional stuff here & there..
I just love not being extra serious with life and as a result even If I have to run any errand for my parents I’m subjected to a number of instructions which is slightly higher than the number of instructions a three year old kid needs to perform an open heart surgery.
When I was a little kid ,I thought adults lead the coolest life. I never saw my dad learning multiplication tables of 2 to 16.I never saw mom have to learn about the Byzantine empire. A ride on dad's shaky blue scooter amazed me. A fly on the table amazed me too. Cigarette butts lying on the street attracted me. My first smoke.. I shamelessly picked up from the street. Everyday after that, my train fare would suffice to get me a cigarette until the ticket collector caught me without a ticket & threatened to jail me. I began to cry in front of him. 2 minutes later I was on my way home laughing my heart out. What kind of person wants to frighten a 10 year old child for not buying a ticket.
And now all of a sudden I am asked to be responsible and do the things big responsible people do. To be honest , my only responsibility for so many years was to fold my bedsheets, make my bed and keep my cupboard & room clean, now since I live alone all the four have gone missing.
Its only a matter of time now before I have to give up on all the crazy stuff i did and stop being the person i so love to be.
I know I write emotional stuff here & there..
I just love not being extra serious with life and as a result even If I have to run any errand for my parents I’m subjected to a number of instructions which is slightly higher than the number of instructions a three year old kid needs to perform an open heart surgery.
When I was a little kid ,I thought adults lead the coolest life. I never saw my dad learning multiplication tables of 2 to 16.I never saw mom have to learn about the Byzantine empire. A ride on dad's shaky blue scooter amazed me. A fly on the table amazed me too. Cigarette butts lying on the street attracted me. My first smoke.. I shamelessly picked up from the street. Everyday after that, my train fare would suffice to get me a cigarette until the ticket collector caught me without a ticket & threatened to jail me. I began to cry in front of him. 2 minutes later I was on my way home laughing my heart out. What kind of person wants to frighten a 10 year old child for not buying a ticket.
And now all of a sudden I am asked to be responsible and do the things big responsible people do. To be honest , my only responsibility for so many years was to fold my bedsheets, make my bed and keep my cupboard & room clean, now since I live alone all the four have gone missing.
Its only a matter of time now before I have to give up on all the crazy stuff i did and stop being the person i so love to be.
PRECIOUS MOMENTS
Life is nothing but a limited number of moments and each moment is slipping by. right now, a moment just passed by me, and took me closer to death, leaving me with lesser time to smile, to crack some poor joke, to see my people laugh, to be a good person, to live, to see a friend find the happiness they deserve.
Around me. I see people I care for. Sometimes I see them sad .I see them clinging to bad memories , things which they cannot change , things which still hurt them , things which make tears flow down their cheeks. and the very thought of letting such a precious moment drown in a tear leaves me restless. I know they are hurt and have reasons to feel sad. But life is not forever. Why do we people hurt each other , when this life may not be long enough to love each other ?
You might wonder how come this sudden change from the crap I normally write, to something this serious. I hate families that fight. Ive seen too many broken families.. too many brothers and sisters who wont talk to each other. I’ve lost an older bro, a younger bro and my baby sister. I’ve lost too many precious moments letting them just go by. Never taking time to talk to them or be with them. Now Its hard to be the only one my parents have.
even when I die. I want to see my end surrounded by my loved ones. I want my hand to go limp in the hands of a loved one. I don’t want anyone else to do the hard part of telling my father that he’s lost another child. The last two times I did..!! , the worst thing I’ve ever told my dad. No failed marksheets, no stolen 5 ruppees.. nothing compared to that day I told him about my baby sister ..and then Aaron. I don’t know what’s worse they die first or me !! I don’t think my parents would survive another shock anyway.
Yet I live away from them. So that someday the pain of separation might not be as hard as its meant to be. So if you think you’re living it good right now.. consider living better soon!!
Maybe you need to know that death is a surprisingly unexpected reality.
Maybe you need to know that you may never get a chance to be the nice person you want to be.
Maybe you need to know that the moment you have been waiting for to tell someone how much you love them may never arrive.
Maybe you need to know that you may never have the time to wipe off the tears you are causing today.
Maybe you need to start living the life you should.
I love my folks and a few other people. But I feel, too much attachment causes pain to all. I care a lot for them but I don’t want to possess anyone now. I would give my life for them , I don’t want to own their lives. I just want to let go. I just don’t want to cling to anything. Maybe I fear losing it. Sometimes I feel I have forgotten to love. Sometimes it seems I have found what true love is only now. People say I am turning away from them. I feel I am turning in to myself.
Life is nothing but a limited number of moments and each moment is slipping by. right now, a moment just passed by me, and took me closer to death, leaving me with lesser time to smile, to crack some poor joke, to see my people laugh, to be a good person, to live, to see a friend find the happiness they deserve.
Around me. I see people I care for. Sometimes I see them sad .I see them clinging to bad memories , things which they cannot change , things which still hurt them , things which make tears flow down their cheeks. and the very thought of letting such a precious moment drown in a tear leaves me restless. I know they are hurt and have reasons to feel sad. But life is not forever. Why do we people hurt each other , when this life may not be long enough to love each other ?
You might wonder how come this sudden change from the crap I normally write, to something this serious. I hate families that fight. Ive seen too many broken families.. too many brothers and sisters who wont talk to each other. I’ve lost an older bro, a younger bro and my baby sister. I’ve lost too many precious moments letting them just go by. Never taking time to talk to them or be with them. Now Its hard to be the only one my parents have.
even when I die. I want to see my end surrounded by my loved ones. I want my hand to go limp in the hands of a loved one. I don’t want anyone else to do the hard part of telling my father that he’s lost another child. The last two times I did..!! , the worst thing I’ve ever told my dad. No failed marksheets, no stolen 5 ruppees.. nothing compared to that day I told him about my baby sister ..and then Aaron. I don’t know what’s worse they die first or me !! I don’t think my parents would survive another shock anyway.
Yet I live away from them. So that someday the pain of separation might not be as hard as its meant to be. So if you think you’re living it good right now.. consider living better soon!!
Maybe you need to know that death is a surprisingly unexpected reality.
Maybe you need to know that you may never get a chance to be the nice person you want to be.
Maybe you need to know that the moment you have been waiting for to tell someone how much you love them may never arrive.
Maybe you need to know that you may never have the time to wipe off the tears you are causing today.
Maybe you need to start living the life you should.
I love my folks and a few other people. But I feel, too much attachment causes pain to all. I care a lot for them but I don’t want to possess anyone now. I would give my life for them , I don’t want to own their lives. I just want to let go. I just don’t want to cling to anything. Maybe I fear losing it. Sometimes I feel I have forgotten to love. Sometimes it seems I have found what true love is only now. People say I am turning away from them. I feel I am turning in to myself.
June 08, 2006
EUREKA EUREKA !!
Im just so bored at home today..
If you are like me, you must be the kind who love thinking and reasoning things out for themselves, free time offers a nice opportunity to reflect on life while you put on weight .I was lying on the cool floor of my home and wondering why they put three blades in the ceiling fan over me. ..
...and then it struck me I realized that we can drastically improve the transport system of the World…we only need radical thinkers like me and a load of money. Instead of some 10,000 bikes and cars burning fuel (and rubber) on roads to move ahead… how would it be if the vehicles stay put and the road moved? Our scientists could devise a methodology to move the road like an escalator. This way…besides the fuel costs, we can also cut down on the huge salaries (read Rs 4,000…why do you think they are corrupt?) traffic policemen get. We won’t need the Highway Patrol because nobody would be speeding and hence nobody to chase. The accidents will also be less…so less of Doctors and Nurses…we can save on their salaries too. With less of accidents, the Insurance companies won’t have to shell out insurance money to every 10th person. They will definitely stand to gain…and thus would want to sponsor more such roads. It would not occur to them then that if all the roads in the World are safe, why would anybody insure at all? And big insurance companies will start investing in escalator-roads. The journey from my house to office takes 90 minutes and I waste so much of my energy trying to avoid hitting other vehicles and trying to chase pretty girls in their bikes & cars. Soon, there could be tea-shops and smoke-shops where you can recharge yourself while you’re traveling. These shops will do brisk business because the travelers won’t have anything else to do.
This would continue for more than 50 years …and one day some radical thinker like me would write an article on why the people don’t need cars and bikes (and other vehicles) to travel by road. If they have to just sit, why do they need cars…won’t wooden chairs do?
I'm still struggling to understand why they put three blades up on that fan there. I hate to find myself in situations to which I have no answers, so I quickly conclude the presence of three fan blades as a mere coincidence.. ever so proud of the fact I thought for the betterment of my country.
Im just so bored at home today..
If you are like me, you must be the kind who love thinking and reasoning things out for themselves, free time offers a nice opportunity to reflect on life while you put on weight .I was lying on the cool floor of my home and wondering why they put three blades in the ceiling fan over me. ..
...and then it struck me I realized that we can drastically improve the transport system of the World…we only need radical thinkers like me and a load of money. Instead of some 10,000 bikes and cars burning fuel (and rubber) on roads to move ahead… how would it be if the vehicles stay put and the road moved? Our scientists could devise a methodology to move the road like an escalator. This way…besides the fuel costs, we can also cut down on the huge salaries (read Rs 4,000…why do you think they are corrupt?) traffic policemen get. We won’t need the Highway Patrol because nobody would be speeding and hence nobody to chase. The accidents will also be less…so less of Doctors and Nurses…we can save on their salaries too. With less of accidents, the Insurance companies won’t have to shell out insurance money to every 10th person. They will definitely stand to gain…and thus would want to sponsor more such roads. It would not occur to them then that if all the roads in the World are safe, why would anybody insure at all? And big insurance companies will start investing in escalator-roads. The journey from my house to office takes 90 minutes and I waste so much of my energy trying to avoid hitting other vehicles and trying to chase pretty girls in their bikes & cars. Soon, there could be tea-shops and smoke-shops where you can recharge yourself while you’re traveling. These shops will do brisk business because the travelers won’t have anything else to do.
This would continue for more than 50 years …and one day some radical thinker like me would write an article on why the people don’t need cars and bikes (and other vehicles) to travel by road. If they have to just sit, why do they need cars…won’t wooden chairs do?
I'm still struggling to understand why they put three blades up on that fan there. I hate to find myself in situations to which I have no answers, so I quickly conclude the presence of three fan blades as a mere coincidence.. ever so proud of the fact I thought for the betterment of my country.
shhhh its 3:00 am, Its usually with disgust that I cant sleep with the love songs my neighbour plays at this hour.. 10 minutes ago I was depressed and a step away from suicide, but now I’m laughing my diaphragms off. My knowledge of Hindi Movies & songs is really very bad. So I have to sincerely appreciate her for her unique choice of songs. I can’t believe my ears when I hear “Naach latakke, Naach lattakke, latak latak ke nach.. tu hai meri shehnai aur tu meri avaaz” WHAT THE F#%K - Leaving me depressed and suicidal at 3:00 am is one thing, making me roll on the floor is another. Honestly I have never heard a love song that’s this ridiculous. I pity you poor lover of my neighbour. But this is it. I can take it no more.
The songs over now but the words still give me the creeps.
The songs over now but the words still give me the creeps.
June 07, 2006
NURSERY RHYMES
Woke up this morning and flipped through my Music files for some nice early morning music.. those late night .. (is 2:00 am late night or early morn) …neighbourly love songs surprisingly didn’t happen. Anyway came across a collection of Mp3 Nursery Rhymes. Thought it was best to listen to them early morning, I love Nursery Rhymes. Yet, when I was a kid I always thought they were a big fat lie.
Perhaps, I matured too early or perhaps I was just incorrigible. Either ways I was not what other kids my age were. They all enjoyed nursery rhymes.
I realized I was different when I blushed when my teacher said these lines –
“Jack and Jill went up the hill.”
My shyness gave way to anger when she lied in the next line –
“To fetch a pail of water.”
“Yeah right!”, was all I could say. But I looked around and the whole class was enjoying the rhyme in the belief that Jack and Jill actually went up the hill only to fetch a pail of water. I was the only one who knew a lot of other things happened up there.
And then they sang –
Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
All the king's horses and all the king's men,
Couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
I could never comprehend this rhyme. What was the logic? I mean some fat old hunk called Humpty Dumpty (or were they two people - Dumpty was the twin brother of Humpty?) sat on a wall and had a fall. Why should the King’s men worry about it? Or his horses, for that matter. I am yet to understand why we were asked to sing this rhyme.
I listened to a lot of rhymes this morning. My folks would have been ashamed of me had they walked in on me. They think I’m taking life not too seriously, but a lot of serious things have been going wrong for me. so its kinda ok !! Do you still think that it was just for the pail of water ??
Woke up this morning and flipped through my Music files for some nice early morning music.. those late night .. (is 2:00 am late night or early morn) …neighbourly love songs surprisingly didn’t happen. Anyway came across a collection of Mp3 Nursery Rhymes. Thought it was best to listen to them early morning, I love Nursery Rhymes. Yet, when I was a kid I always thought they were a big fat lie.
Perhaps, I matured too early or perhaps I was just incorrigible. Either ways I was not what other kids my age were. They all enjoyed nursery rhymes.
I realized I was different when I blushed when my teacher said these lines –
“Jack and Jill went up the hill.”
My shyness gave way to anger when she lied in the next line –
“To fetch a pail of water.”
“Yeah right!”, was all I could say. But I looked around and the whole class was enjoying the rhyme in the belief that Jack and Jill actually went up the hill only to fetch a pail of water. I was the only one who knew a lot of other things happened up there.
And then they sang –
Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
All the king's horses and all the king's men,
Couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
I could never comprehend this rhyme. What was the logic? I mean some fat old hunk called Humpty Dumpty (or were they two people - Dumpty was the twin brother of Humpty?) sat on a wall and had a fall. Why should the King’s men worry about it? Or his horses, for that matter. I am yet to understand why we were asked to sing this rhyme.
I listened to a lot of rhymes this morning. My folks would have been ashamed of me had they walked in on me. They think I’m taking life not too seriously, but a lot of serious things have been going wrong for me. so its kinda ok !! Do you still think that it was just for the pail of water ??
June 06, 2006
AS TIME GOES BY
Its gonna be another birthday alone, away from family & my best friends. Im suddenly beginning to feel alone & old. It’s like another chapter of my life coming to an end. The chapters which started when I uttered my first words, On my first day at kindergarten, when I checked out the little girls in class. The weirdly strict Tr. Durga, who used to slap me so much , she almost made a fingerprint album on my cheek. The Final exams which were great till the results came out. The terrible school choir which justified the invention of ear plugs. My Advertising Degree which made me realise how embarrassing I was to the Ad-world. My bike which was my first true love. The beautiful Computer teacher who was again my first true love.
My first memories of girls.. well since we’re at it. Here’s a little more in detail about the relationship I’ve had with girls.
My earliest memory are of my cousin-sister pulling my hair. Painfully digging her nails in my cheek. And then running to her mom to complain that I hit her. Not a perfect start.
I went to a boys school but the girls I saw in the train always carried water bottles and small bags and crayon boxes, colored silly color books (OK i accept, i graduated as an Artist). Still there were other things like they were well behaved & did'nt shout much. Did not spill food while eating. played stupid games on the playground in the evening where one would become a mother and someone became their daughter and someone became their mother’s mother.
By class 2nd , I had formed a mental banner which declared in a blinking neon sign - GIRLS ARE BORING.
School progressed. Class 6th.Class 10th.
Class XI seniors pick me out for ragging. They point at a group of girls and tell me to call one of them. I walk up to her and ask her to come. She does not care to reply and looks away. I lean and growl "Look lady. You may be pretty. Guys may swallow lizards & frogs if u order them to. But I have no interest in you or your friends here. I need to be a Rhino with a dozen Viagra shots to find you remotely attractive. I don’t want you. those seniors do. So just move." ok the people who know me will know i could never be able to talk like that. Anyway, i proposed to her.. five minutes later we went our separate ways..
The font size in the neon sign kept getting bigger and bigger..
That was the way it was.. Till 'she' breezed into my life.
She had a sense of humor. She had similar thoughts. She was mature. She was responsible. She was silly. She was simple. She was very human. For the first time, I sensed that girls have a "lipsticks-n-eyeliner" free brain. That they think of something beyond that. That they are as good human beings as anyone. Every tear I have caused her has left a streak on my heart.
After causing hurt to 'her',I intend to stay away from your world for a long long long time to come. I’m plain scared of again causing a lot of tears and hence have resolved to stay at a safe yet friendly distance from your domain. If earlier it was snobbish indifference, now it is a peaceful and quiet lack of interest…
…and I’ll be staying away as long as my neighbour stops her love songs! The longer she’s gonna continue the bigger the Font size on the neon sign is gonna get!!
Its gonna be another birthday alone, away from family & my best friends. Im suddenly beginning to feel alone & old. It’s like another chapter of my life coming to an end. The chapters which started when I uttered my first words, On my first day at kindergarten, when I checked out the little girls in class. The weirdly strict Tr. Durga, who used to slap me so much , she almost made a fingerprint album on my cheek. The Final exams which were great till the results came out. The terrible school choir which justified the invention of ear plugs. My Advertising Degree which made me realise how embarrassing I was to the Ad-world. My bike which was my first true love. The beautiful Computer teacher who was again my first true love.
My first memories of girls.. well since we’re at it. Here’s a little more in detail about the relationship I’ve had with girls.
My earliest memory are of my cousin-sister pulling my hair. Painfully digging her nails in my cheek. And then running to her mom to complain that I hit her. Not a perfect start.
I went to a boys school but the girls I saw in the train always carried water bottles and small bags and crayon boxes, colored silly color books (OK i accept, i graduated as an Artist). Still there were other things like they were well behaved & did'nt shout much. Did not spill food while eating. played stupid games on the playground in the evening where one would become a mother and someone became their daughter and someone became their mother’s mother.
By class 2nd , I had formed a mental banner which declared in a blinking neon sign - GIRLS ARE BORING.
School progressed. Class 6th.Class 10th.
Class XI seniors pick me out for ragging. They point at a group of girls and tell me to call one of them. I walk up to her and ask her to come. She does not care to reply and looks away. I lean and growl "Look lady. You may be pretty. Guys may swallow lizards & frogs if u order them to. But I have no interest in you or your friends here. I need to be a Rhino with a dozen Viagra shots to find you remotely attractive. I don’t want you. those seniors do. So just move." ok the people who know me will know i could never be able to talk like that. Anyway, i proposed to her.. five minutes later we went our separate ways..
The font size in the neon sign kept getting bigger and bigger..
That was the way it was.. Till 'she' breezed into my life.
She had a sense of humor. She had similar thoughts. She was mature. She was responsible. She was silly. She was simple. She was very human. For the first time, I sensed that girls have a "lipsticks-n-eyeliner" free brain. That they think of something beyond that. That they are as good human beings as anyone. Every tear I have caused her has left a streak on my heart.
After causing hurt to 'her',I intend to stay away from your world for a long long long time to come. I’m plain scared of again causing a lot of tears and hence have resolved to stay at a safe yet friendly distance from your domain. If earlier it was snobbish indifference, now it is a peaceful and quiet lack of interest…
…and I’ll be staying away as long as my neighbour stops her love songs! The longer she’s gonna continue the bigger the Font size on the neon sign is gonna get!!
June 05, 2006
MORNING BLUES
Yesterday night was supposed to be an early one, like any other week-night. Unfortunately it turned out to be a much later one than planned. Thanks to PS2.
I had to wake up at around 5:30 am, so when my stumbling ass got to bed, I went to set my alarm. as expected I didn't recall this part of my night when i woke up. Anyway, when I woke up, I saw that my clock said 7:20. Shit! I'm late. So I get up to go to the bathroom and on my way I notice that the wall clock says 5:20. Huh?
Apparently, when I went to set my alarm, I accidentally forwarded the time ahead by two hours. Now the extra-smart ass that I try to be, instead of re-fixing the time, I simply adjusted the alarm time two hours ahead. Of course, not remembering ever doing this, I would have woken up and saw that my alarm was going off at 7:30, even though it was 5:30.
Anyway, I was wide awake a few minutes earlier then normal. much better then my wake up time yesterday when Mom called to check on my breakfast. Im just tired of my routine. Im looking for someone to live this routine for me.. here are a list of instructions to be me.
5:30 am.. Wake up. Hit snooze. Ten minutes later, wake up. Hit snooze. Ten more minutes later, wake up. Debate on whether or not there is enough time to hit one more snooze. Decide no. Wake up. Step on things. Turn on light. Grab towel. Walk to bathroom in the dark. Brush teeth. Turn on shower. Pray for hot water. Take shower. Dry off. Get dressed. Look at clock. Move quicker. One last check for everything. Walk out door. Lock door. Take the elevator down. Brace for extreme desert heat. Cross street. Walk hurriedly to parked car. Hear cars approaching. Run across the road. Get into car,Start car, get stuck in traffic. Read sticker on rear-end of the car in front for the next 90 minutes. Get out of car. Walk to work. Look at clock, with hope that arrival time is three minutes early. Say Good Morning, but skip the "ood". Go make coffee. Turn on computer and begin work day. Look busy for 8 - 9 hours. Go home, just like morning, but in reverse. Set alarm clock. Wait for it to sound so you can hit snooze.
Damn just hope I remember to re-adjust the time, or I’ll have to look stoopid jumping out of bed thinking I’m two hours late.
Yesterday night was supposed to be an early one, like any other week-night. Unfortunately it turned out to be a much later one than planned. Thanks to PS2.
I had to wake up at around 5:30 am, so when my stumbling ass got to bed, I went to set my alarm. as expected I didn't recall this part of my night when i woke up. Anyway, when I woke up, I saw that my clock said 7:20. Shit! I'm late. So I get up to go to the bathroom and on my way I notice that the wall clock says 5:20. Huh?
Apparently, when I went to set my alarm, I accidentally forwarded the time ahead by two hours. Now the extra-smart ass that I try to be, instead of re-fixing the time, I simply adjusted the alarm time two hours ahead. Of course, not remembering ever doing this, I would have woken up and saw that my alarm was going off at 7:30, even though it was 5:30.
Anyway, I was wide awake a few minutes earlier then normal. much better then my wake up time yesterday when Mom called to check on my breakfast. Im just tired of my routine. Im looking for someone to live this routine for me.. here are a list of instructions to be me.
5:30 am.. Wake up. Hit snooze. Ten minutes later, wake up. Hit snooze. Ten more minutes later, wake up. Debate on whether or not there is enough time to hit one more snooze. Decide no. Wake up. Step on things. Turn on light. Grab towel. Walk to bathroom in the dark. Brush teeth. Turn on shower. Pray for hot water. Take shower. Dry off. Get dressed. Look at clock. Move quicker. One last check for everything. Walk out door. Lock door. Take the elevator down. Brace for extreme desert heat. Cross street. Walk hurriedly to parked car. Hear cars approaching. Run across the road. Get into car,Start car, get stuck in traffic. Read sticker on rear-end of the car in front for the next 90 minutes. Get out of car. Walk to work. Look at clock, with hope that arrival time is three minutes early. Say Good Morning, but skip the "ood". Go make coffee. Turn on computer and begin work day. Look busy for 8 - 9 hours. Go home, just like morning, but in reverse. Set alarm clock. Wait for it to sound so you can hit snooze.
Damn just hope I remember to re-adjust the time, or I’ll have to look stoopid jumping out of bed thinking I’m two hours late.
June 04, 2006
Early in the morn... There’s this guy sleeping, A huge truck runs over him , and he’ll sit up , look around with half opened eyes , yawn , and go back to sleep. The cellphone rings.
"Uhmm.. Hello...yeah Glenn here....mom...yeah.. hi.. goodmorning..yep..had my breakfast.. hmm.. on my way to work mom.. uh ?...got some bacon and toast for breakfast today...yeah.. toast...bacon & coffee...yeah..ye..with butter ...yeah mom yeah.. the juice tooo maaa...yeah...........huh ..nah nah I’m here..ye I had breakfast ma , I had it...ohkkk...yeah i did not ..did not have the breakfast..ok , I will eat something now.. yeah...bbye... I know its late ..bye.. I’ll get serious with life.. I know.. bye mom".
This guy never learns. He still doesn’t know how to balance a balance sheet. and still doesn’t know how to lie to his mom. Now he sees the clock. He looks at the hands of the clock .His sleepy eyes open up and his eyeballs shoot out to a distance of two feet outside his face.
9 days from now, I will be older. Well, technically we all get older with every speck of time that goes by, but it is an official day. I am not very excited.
Maybe the world thinks being serious is the same as being responsible. A guy who looks grimly stiff must be very particular about his work. The world thinks that a guy who looks straight faced is thinking about something deeply important and philosophical. In reality, he may be serious due to the constipation he’s been suffering from. If you look serious enough to be paid to haunt a house ,you are thought to be responsible. You think I’m some spoilt and pampered and insensitive brat yet to face the hard spiky life ? You think I don’t have any worries ? You think I don’t have any bleeding memories ? have you ever heard of this deadly ailment - limphosircoma of the intestine ? Though I am not suffering from this , I have my share of heartaches. I have probably a lot more pain in my ass and heart than most. But its when life threatens to screw you that you need to smile and laugh more. Its not like im putting up a fake attitude when my insides wants to cry. I’m not escaping my pain , i have embraced it , understood it ,taken responsibility of it ,and left it behind. Being miserable is so easy. I refuse to be miserable and serious and intense.
"Uhmm.. Hello...yeah Glenn here....mom...yeah.. hi.. goodmorning..yep..had my breakfast.. hmm.. on my way to work mom.. uh ?...got some bacon and toast for breakfast today...yeah.. toast...bacon & coffee...yeah..ye..with butter ...yeah mom yeah.. the juice tooo maaa...yeah...........huh ..nah nah I’m here..ye I had breakfast ma , I had it...ohkkk...yeah i did not ..did not have the breakfast..ok , I will eat something now.. yeah...bbye... I know its late ..bye.. I’ll get serious with life.. I know.. bye mom".
This guy never learns. He still doesn’t know how to balance a balance sheet. and still doesn’t know how to lie to his mom. Now he sees the clock. He looks at the hands of the clock .His sleepy eyes open up and his eyeballs shoot out to a distance of two feet outside his face.
9 days from now, I will be older. Well, technically we all get older with every speck of time that goes by, but it is an official day. I am not very excited.
Maybe the world thinks being serious is the same as being responsible. A guy who looks grimly stiff must be very particular about his work. The world thinks that a guy who looks straight faced is thinking about something deeply important and philosophical. In reality, he may be serious due to the constipation he’s been suffering from. If you look serious enough to be paid to haunt a house ,you are thought to be responsible. You think I’m some spoilt and pampered and insensitive brat yet to face the hard spiky life ? You think I don’t have any worries ? You think I don’t have any bleeding memories ? have you ever heard of this deadly ailment - limphosircoma of the intestine ? Though I am not suffering from this , I have my share of heartaches. I have probably a lot more pain in my ass and heart than most. But its when life threatens to screw you that you need to smile and laugh more. Its not like im putting up a fake attitude when my insides wants to cry. I’m not escaping my pain , i have embraced it , understood it ,taken responsibility of it ,and left it behind. Being miserable is so easy. I refuse to be miserable and serious and intense.
BACK TO THE KITCHEN WOES
Last night was the first time since my holidays that i made an attempt to cook. After a whole week of Burgers & fries I decided i needed some home food. Luckily the meatball curry i made didnt taste like boiled tennis balls.. (thanks to the comment made by my friends who i no longer invite to eat food cooked by me). Anyway the whole week went pretty smooth didnt get too homesick. but my neighbour.. Gosh.. shes not over with those love songs that play at 3:00 am. guys please if you have a girlfriend that lives near abu shagara, do something. "Acha silha diya tune mere pyar ka..." leaves me suicidal especially at that hour. if her love life's gotten so bad, its time she threw herself in front of a moving bus or something !! hey and loving neighbour.. if you read this.. please shut your balcony door when your singing.
Last night was the first time since my holidays that i made an attempt to cook. After a whole week of Burgers & fries I decided i needed some home food. Luckily the meatball curry i made didnt taste like boiled tennis balls.. (thanks to the comment made by my friends who i no longer invite to eat food cooked by me). Anyway the whole week went pretty smooth didnt get too homesick. but my neighbour.. Gosh.. shes not over with those love songs that play at 3:00 am. guys please if you have a girlfriend that lives near abu shagara, do something. "Acha silha diya tune mere pyar ka..." leaves me suicidal especially at that hour. if her love life's gotten so bad, its time she threw herself in front of a moving bus or something !! hey and loving neighbour.. if you read this.. please shut your balcony door when your singing.
OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE
Living alone does give you a lot of time to think back on the good old days, especially if you got nothing to do after a long day of work. So every evening these past few days, I’ve had fragments of my past come flashing back in bits & pieces. Like as a kid I thought myself to suffer from the obsessive compulsive disorder. When I would go to church or say my prayers, I'd always have to make sure when I blessed myself, that I closed it off. Does that make sense?
This is what I mean. Let's say I bless myself, right? Then I say my prayer... "Dear God. Bless Mom, Dad, Grandma and Grandpa," I would say. Then I'd add in whatever was specific to that point in my life. "Please let me do well on tomorrow's spelling bee and make Russel trip over and drop in a puddle of dirty water so Desiree might just like me..." ok I just made up the Russel and Desiree part. Anyway, I'd always make sure to bless myself again, because if I didn't, I'd feel that my prayer was still open and that whatever I said or thought, God would hear. So I always made sure that I blessed myself an even number of times & closed my prayer, because the last thing I'd want, is to accidentally leave a prayer open, cos then later on in the day I'd be in the playroom reading a Cosmo trying to find a dirty article & God would say, "What a nice boy, even prays during his playtime. Let's see what he has to say. Dear Cosmo, My boyfriend insists on me giving him a bl- Oh, good God! This boy is evil!"
Living alone does give you a lot of time to think back on the good old days, especially if you got nothing to do after a long day of work. So every evening these past few days, I’ve had fragments of my past come flashing back in bits & pieces. Like as a kid I thought myself to suffer from the obsessive compulsive disorder. When I would go to church or say my prayers, I'd always have to make sure when I blessed myself, that I closed it off. Does that make sense?
This is what I mean. Let's say I bless myself, right? Then I say my prayer... "Dear God. Bless Mom, Dad, Grandma and Grandpa," I would say. Then I'd add in whatever was specific to that point in my life. "Please let me do well on tomorrow's spelling bee and make Russel trip over and drop in a puddle of dirty water so Desiree might just like me..." ok I just made up the Russel and Desiree part. Anyway, I'd always make sure to bless myself again, because if I didn't, I'd feel that my prayer was still open and that whatever I said or thought, God would hear. So I always made sure that I blessed myself an even number of times & closed my prayer, because the last thing I'd want, is to accidentally leave a prayer open, cos then later on in the day I'd be in the playroom reading a Cosmo trying to find a dirty article & God would say, "What a nice boy, even prays during his playtime. Let's see what he has to say. Dear Cosmo, My boyfriend insists on me giving him a bl- Oh, good God! This boy is evil!"
June 03, 2006
LADIES SEAT
Of all the things I miss about home is travelling by bus. Travelling by buses in India is nasty business.For one, the driver would consider you a natural athelete capable enough of jumping onto a bus travelling at 25 km / hr and won't slow down much as the bus approaches the bus stop.
Then there is the issue of being blessed with a seat to place your ass on , the probability of which happening can sometimes be lower than that of you beating mike tyson in a boxing match.Trying to weave your way through the smelly and sweaty crowd towards the exit door as your bus stop approaches threateningly fast is another heart wrenching experience..
Now , all the seats in the left hand row of a bus , save for a couple , are reserved usually for ladies . This noble reservation is indicated by the means of "Ladies" painted in italics over the row. Now what is interesting is that sometimes the male varieties of the homo sapiens species happen to land on these elite seats marked for the females.And what is more engrossing to observe is their reaction when a male perched on a ladies seat is encountered by a lady who demands that he stand up and let her sit down on the seat.
Basically , I have managed to identify the following varieties of males caught in this lovely position , based on their reactions :
1."oops Ok" Clan
They would jump out of the seats before the lady would know , almost push her onto the seat and follow it up with a smile.I have rarely chanced upon these species , so much so that they can be categorised as an endangered species along with the African Wild Owl.
2."well..umm..ok" Clan
These guys would lower their heads , pretend to sleep , read , brood , look out of the window , just anything to prevent from being uprooted from the beloved seats under their asses.But the liberated woman of today won't just forsake her right and stick her head right in front of the guy's nose and growl " Ladies seat !".And the poor guy , for the fear of being publically humiliated would relinquish his throne and let the female sit down.
3. "the sick" Clan
Now these are the guys with the extra wild male hormones who spot an opportunity to satisfy their natural desires in even this seemingly uncomfortable position.What these guys do is to look up , gauge in a matter of microseconds if the lady is "good " , and instead of getting up , shift over and say with a sly smile to the lady " aao jee , adjust kar lete hain ".Now no bhartiya nari would agree to sit on a seat with a guy like that so the matter is closed and she keeps standing.
4."The Gladiator" Clan
These are the disgruntled souls who don't give a damn before confronting the lady with a super aggressive outlook and yell " main nahi uthta , jo karna hai karle !!!".Usually , these are the guys who have just been scolded by their wives , female bosses , girlfriends , washer women etc etc and hence bear a temporary grudge against the entire female variety of the homo sapien species and use this occasion to let out their anger.The poor female generally steps back unless she has a mike tyson in her family.
I guess there are a lot of other varieties too, so the next time your travelling on a bus in India and more importantly seated onto a ladies seat , watch what you do.
I was out with this girl once and this is our conversation
She: You see that guy there? I think he’s damn hot!
Me : Yeah? I think he looks gay actually…..Hehehe... errrr……ok…..ummm…..shhhh!!.. ok
She: F*ck off! He’s HOT!!!!
Me : OK…as you say….
She: What are you looking at?
Me : Nothing, nothing….just the babe there…
She: Listen! You’re out with me ok??? Stop looking at other women!!!
Now, considering that the “she” in question was my COUSIN, I failed completely to understand what the entire “don’t look at other women” thing was about!!!! So, in usual style, I decided that perhaps the best way to unravel this mystery was to ask another woman about it. The answer I got was, well, nothing short of mystifying in its own right!!!
“See, it’s like, even if we women are out with someone we’re not seeing or anything, we don’t like it if the guy is looking at someone else. It’s not really like we’re jealous..
..but well, if we’re looking at some guy we find hot, we know that you’ll understand!”
Huh?????
Now, this just about tore it, as I am sure you will understand (unless I am the only guy here that feels a bit hard-done by this mentality of women), and therefore, for the benefit of mankind (pun intended) at large, I have decided to just pen down a few truths. Women, stop reading here, because your dirty, dark secrets are going to be exposed. Now, guys, remember, when a woman does something wrong, or wants something from you that you would not normally (I mean when you’re in your senses) do or give, she uses a few weapons and lines and you’d be well advised to be on your guard when you see or hear these signals.
women... I’ve warned you!!!!
1. “I was so confused”. This line invariably means she screwed up and wants you to ignore. It’ll be accompanied with the “Poor me” expression, wide eyes and welling tears….
2. “I…I thought…I thought you’d understand”. This comes with a quavering voice, bitten lip and more welling tears……it means she really really really screwed up and wants you to ignore in the interest of your relationship and your health!!!!
3.“I…I didn’t know…I didn’t know what to do!” This is meant to appeal to your chivalry and make you think of her as a “poor, weak woman” and forgive her big goof-up. All the time, she’s laughing her guts out!!!!
4. “Don’t ask me to choose…..please.” (More wide eyes and sadness reflecting in the tears that are just ready to spill). Yeah, this line is meant to postpone your ultimatum to her…..it’s the time when she makes you accept the state where she’s having the best of both the worlds….you are expected to play the willing martyr….
Now, there are tons more, but those will have to wait for another day…..and are you wondering how I forgot their primary weapon? I didn’t actually….I was just saving their best for my last….
Tears!!! Now, there is nothing on-demand as tears for a woman. So, whether it’s the time you caught her cheating, or spying on you, or the time she falsely accused you, or just when she wants attention or whatever, she’s gonna cry. Now, most of us guys know this already, but we’re still scared when we see tears!!! And these diabolical creatures use this so well to their advantage!!!!! So the next time you see her cry, you know you should be on your guard!!!!
Now, I must also give you my advice on this. If you’re a sensible guy, (which by reading my blog you prove you are), you will remember these things and nicely choose to completely ignore them when you’re with a woman next. Now, if I receive any more death threats in my comments, I’ll know that you women failed to heed the statement where I asked you to read no further….!! that just also proves another thing.. Women never listen !!
Just to keep the peace I'll say no more.. but i have to blame it on that Cupid guy, Coz he conveniently bypassed whoever i wanted him to strike on my behalf. he never got it right. He struck me quite often, but doing half a job which is usually worse than doing nothing at all.
She: You see that guy there? I think he’s damn hot!
Me : Yeah? I think he looks gay actually…..Hehehe... errrr……ok…..ummm…..shhhh!!.. ok
She: F*ck off! He’s HOT!!!!
Me : OK…as you say….
She: What are you looking at?
Me : Nothing, nothing….just the babe there…
She: Listen! You’re out with me ok??? Stop looking at other women!!!
Now, considering that the “she” in question was my COUSIN, I failed completely to understand what the entire “don’t look at other women” thing was about!!!! So, in usual style, I decided that perhaps the best way to unravel this mystery was to ask another woman about it. The answer I got was, well, nothing short of mystifying in its own right!!!
“See, it’s like, even if we women are out with someone we’re not seeing or anything, we don’t like it if the guy is looking at someone else. It’s not really like we’re jealous..
..but well, if we’re looking at some guy we find hot, we know that you’ll understand!”
Huh?????
Now, this just about tore it, as I am sure you will understand (unless I am the only guy here that feels a bit hard-done by this mentality of women), and therefore, for the benefit of mankind (pun intended) at large, I have decided to just pen down a few truths. Women, stop reading here, because your dirty, dark secrets are going to be exposed. Now, guys, remember, when a woman does something wrong, or wants something from you that you would not normally (I mean when you’re in your senses) do or give, she uses a few weapons and lines and you’d be well advised to be on your guard when you see or hear these signals.
women... I’ve warned you!!!!
1. “I was so confused”. This line invariably means she screwed up and wants you to ignore. It’ll be accompanied with the “Poor me” expression, wide eyes and welling tears….
2. “I…I thought…I thought you’d understand”. This comes with a quavering voice, bitten lip and more welling tears……it means she really really really screwed up and wants you to ignore in the interest of your relationship and your health!!!!
3.“I…I didn’t know…I didn’t know what to do!” This is meant to appeal to your chivalry and make you think of her as a “poor, weak woman” and forgive her big goof-up. All the time, she’s laughing her guts out!!!!
4. “Don’t ask me to choose…..please.” (More wide eyes and sadness reflecting in the tears that are just ready to spill). Yeah, this line is meant to postpone your ultimatum to her…..it’s the time when she makes you accept the state where she’s having the best of both the worlds….you are expected to play the willing martyr….
Now, there are tons more, but those will have to wait for another day…..and are you wondering how I forgot their primary weapon? I didn’t actually….I was just saving their best for my last….
Tears!!! Now, there is nothing on-demand as tears for a woman. So, whether it’s the time you caught her cheating, or spying on you, or the time she falsely accused you, or just when she wants attention or whatever, she’s gonna cry. Now, most of us guys know this already, but we’re still scared when we see tears!!! And these diabolical creatures use this so well to their advantage!!!!! So the next time you see her cry, you know you should be on your guard!!!!
Now, I must also give you my advice on this. If you’re a sensible guy, (which by reading my blog you prove you are), you will remember these things and nicely choose to completely ignore them when you’re with a woman next. Now, if I receive any more death threats in my comments, I’ll know that you women failed to heed the statement where I asked you to read no further….!! that just also proves another thing.. Women never listen !!
Just to keep the peace I'll say no more.. but i have to blame it on that Cupid guy, Coz he conveniently bypassed whoever i wanted him to strike on my behalf. he never got it right. He struck me quite often, but doing half a job which is usually worse than doing nothing at all.
June 01, 2006
MY FIRST DAYS WITH ALCOHOL
It all started when I was in class X. My biology teacher Mrs Roshan asked me to bring a dash of alcohol to school so that I could in-sensitize the frog I would dissect the following day.
My father’s fine collection of expensive liquor bottles was a good place to start. Without telling him I picked a designer-friendly Old Monk rum bottle that caught my eye. It would be enough to in-sensitise all the 20+ frogs for the class.
Seldom has a young lad of 14 walked into a school building with a Old Monk bottle in full display. Later in the day, the teacher would say a few drops of the highly intoxicating liquid that I was carrying would be enough for the amphibians. Needless to say, the rest was consumed by 16 of my classmates. Fourteen of those got spanked by their fathers on returning home. The other two did not reach home till it was late in the night and their parents had already filed FIRs. They also got spanked.
The next day at school was different. Everybody was aware of our escapade, and there was no escaping the naughty looks we got from even our juniors. Few days it struck us... an even better idea and we began getting water-bottles to school. What kind of X grade students get super-man stickered water bottles to school…
Well the kinds that replaced the water with beer from the bar down the road. Lucky for us.. the rest of our school life no one ever knew the reason why a few dumb-ass guys carried sling water-bottles to class.
It all started when I was in class X. My biology teacher Mrs Roshan asked me to bring a dash of alcohol to school so that I could in-sensitize the frog I would dissect the following day.
My father’s fine collection of expensive liquor bottles was a good place to start. Without telling him I picked a designer-friendly Old Monk rum bottle that caught my eye. It would be enough to in-sensitise all the 20+ frogs for the class.
Seldom has a young lad of 14 walked into a school building with a Old Monk bottle in full display. Later in the day, the teacher would say a few drops of the highly intoxicating liquid that I was carrying would be enough for the amphibians. Needless to say, the rest was consumed by 16 of my classmates. Fourteen of those got spanked by their fathers on returning home. The other two did not reach home till it was late in the night and their parents had already filed FIRs. They also got spanked.
The next day at school was different. Everybody was aware of our escapade, and there was no escaping the naughty looks we got from even our juniors. Few days it struck us... an even better idea and we began getting water-bottles to school. What kind of X grade students get super-man stickered water bottles to school…
Well the kinds that replaced the water with beer from the bar down the road. Lucky for us.. the rest of our school life no one ever knew the reason why a few dumb-ass guys carried sling water-bottles to class.
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