I’ve been really very busy and didn’t realize I was busy that long. Im not done with my projects yet. Just took a well deserved break and thought id post something. Im still completely out of stuff to write.. like they say.. got nothing to talk about?? Theres always the weather.

EAVESDROPPING ON GOD

The other day in God’s office, mother nature stopped by and this is the conversation that ensued…

Mother Nature (knocking on God's door): Hey God? You got a sec?

God: Hey Big Momma! Come on in! What's going on?

MN: Well, um. I kind of screwed up.

God: Screwed up what? What's going on?

MN: Well, it's the UAE.

God: What happened?

MN: Well, about a month ago, I turned on the heat there. And I kind of forgot about it and it's been really very hot for a month.

God (Stroking his beard): Hmmm, OK. The entire UAE?

MN: Yes. Pretty much from abu dhabi to Dubai.

God: Dubai? Holy shit, I totally forgot about Dubai (laughs). Oh man, I was so high when I did that. Dubai. That was hilarious. It's actually a pretty funny story. I made abu dhabi, then I had this whole extra piece that I didn't know what to do with. Actually, never mind, it's not that funny. I guess you had to be there.

MN: Hmm, I guess so. So anyway, about the heat. I basically forgot all about it. What do you want me to do?

God: OK, tell you what we're going to do. We won't tell anyone about this. This is off the books. Just go right into winter. Hopefully, no one will notice. Just make it up to them in the Fall. Give them a nice September.

MN: Oh, thank you so much.

God: Mother Nature, I've noticed this has been happening a lot lately. I know you are getting on in years. Maybe it's time to hang 'em up.

MN: No, I promise I'll do better. I'm starting to write things down more. I also bought this thing from TV, where it's supposed to help me remember things.

God: OK, fair enough. And to tell you the truth, I've been screwing up a lot lately too. That whole Middle East thing is way out of hand. I'm at a loss. I didn't realize these assholes are blowing each other up left and right and doing it in my name, of all things.

MN: I guess we've all had a lot of stuff on our minds lately. OK, God, I'm going to go back to work.

God: OK. Hey, you brought that rain to Delhi like Conscientous_contender always asks, right?

MN: Shit! I'll go do that right now.

(Mother Nature leaves, then there's another knock at the door. It's Old Man Winter.)

Old Man Winter: Hey God. Can I talk to you?

God: Sure. What's up you old *****rd?

OMW: Not much. look, I'm going to cut right to the shit. Is Mother Nature going to retire or what? She's ***king up left and right.

God: Look, I know. But my hands are tied. She doesn't want to leave.

OMW: Dude, fire her.

God: you and I both know I can't do that. She's going to have to leave on her own. If I fire the only woman I've got working for me, how bad is that going to look? The liberals and chick groups will be on my ass so fast.

OMW: This is bullshit. You know I can do a much better job than her. She made it rain in December, she left the heat on for a month. A ***king month. There have been 40 degree days in July. You've gotta do something.

God: I'm sorry. She's not leaving. And come on, please don't call me names. I'm God.

OMW: I'm sorry. I'm just ***king sick of this. I've been doing this Winter shit for how long now? It feels like for ***king forever. Come on, I know I can do Spring.

God: I know you can too, and I'd like to give you a shot, but it's Mother Nature's gig.

OMW: This is bullshit, dude, and you know it. I'm so sick of blowing ice and snow on people. I need a change. Honestly, if the job market was better, I'd be so outta here.

God: Look, I don't want you to quit. And I don't think you want to quit. What are you complaining about? You've got one of the easiest jobs up here.

OMW: I don't know. I just need a change. If I don't get a promotion, I think I'll just quit. I kind of want to move to Ibiza. I just need a change of scenery.

God: I'd hate to see you go. I wish I could do something but, right now, I can't.

OMW: This is just a hard time right now in my life. I'm at a crossroads.

God: I know. Why don't you just sleep on it and talk to me tomorrow.

OMW: OK. We're still on for golf, right?

God: See you tomorrow. Peace out.